When a family is faced with putting together a meaningful but short memorial service, it helps to have a template to structure the event.
A short but meaningful service covers the “Four Rs”: Recognize the death, Remember the person, Reaffirm beliefs, and Release the spirit.
Feel free to add readings and play music that reflects the spirit of the person who died to add depth and emotional impact.
Recognize:
We are assembled here today to pay respects to our honored dead — to remember the life and mark the death of (name). He/she had an impact on all of us, so we take this brief time to recognize his/her/their death. He/she/they was/were __ years old when (manner of death) took him/her/them from our midst.
(Name) would have wanted us to not make a big fuss, and so we’ll keep our observance today short and sweet.
Remember:
These words describe (name): List three to five words, then tell a short story about why each word is a potent descriptor of the deceased and his/her/their character.
Reaffirm:
The theologian William Barclay said, “When I die, I should like to slip out of the room without fuss – for what matters is not what I am leaving, but where I am going.” (Name) knew what mattered in life and he/she/they has/have left us to remember and reaffirm what matters in life and in death.
(If appropriate for the beliefs of those gathered) The soul or spirit sheds its earthly body as a tree sheds its leaves and creates for itself another covering in another sphere as the tree grows new leaves. Death is not the end of existence but merely the cessation of the earthly phase of life. It is a corner we turn to reach a perfect, peaceful spiritual life.
(Other reading options – the last lines of the poem Thanatopsis by William Cullen Bryant, or You Want a Physicist to Speak at Your Funeral, by Aaron Freeman.)
As the Beatles so eloquently sang, “All you need is love.” Let us extend our love for (name) in our daily interactions, and by keeping their love alive in our hearts, they never truly die.
Release:
(Name), we bless your memory with great love for you, for you have written your love upon our hearts. Go your way in peace, and may your memory be a blessing to all who knew you.
As appropriate, you might raise a toast: To the life and adventures of (name)!
This short, informal memorial service can precede a burial or scattering ceremony for cremated remains. After the service, socializing with food and drink is a great way to share additional stories and memories about the deceased.
Gail Rubin, Certified Thanatologist and The Doyenne of Death®, is an award-winning speaker, author, podcaster, and coordinator of the Before I Die New Mexico Festival (www.BeforeIDieFestivals.com). She is also a Certified Funeral Celebrant. Her four books on planning ahead for end-of-life issues – A Good Goodbye, Kicking the Bucket List, Hail and Farewell and The Before I Die Festival in a Box™– are available through Amazon and her website, www.AGoodGoodbye.com.
Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com
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