The parent-child relationship is pretty well defined. Children generally don’t advise their parents. It’s the other way around. However, this dynamic can shift as parents get older and children become adults. This becomes especially prevalent when considering estate planning and elder law issues.
As parents grow older, adult children may start to have certain questions about the way mom and dad have planned ahead for the eventualities of aging. Being aware of what plans have been made opens the door for a conversation about what planning is left to be considered to make sure their wishes are carried out as they’d like them to be.
Once an adult child comes to the conclusion that a discussion is needed with aging parents, determining how to proceed can be difficult. It’s not easy to reverse roles and ask parents to provide their children with sensitive financial information. One way for a child to approach the subject would be to explain their own estate planning efforts. By telling parents what you have done and why, you can then ask them what they have done. The question would arise naturally and organically. You have just explained your estate plan to your parents, so they may feel compelled to explain their plan to you.
This interaction is in their best interests, and it’s not just a conversation about the eventual transfer of financial assets. There is the matter of long-term care to take into consideration. Most Americans will need assistance with their day-to-day needs at some point in time. You may in fact notice that your parents are starting to have trouble getting around. This is something that impacts the entire family because most of the living assistance received by senior citizens comes from family Members, friends and neighbors. When this is not possible, seniors often enter assisted-living facilities. Medicare does not pay for an extended stay in an assisted-living community or nursing home. These facilities are extremely expensive, and many seniors may not understand the extent of the financial burden.
Sense of Relief
Once you have expressed an interest in the planning efforts of your parents they may actually be quite relieved. You are demonstrating a high level of maturity as you tackle a difficult subject as a caring family member. As you gain an understanding of their existing plan you can make suggestions. Assisting them in finding a qualified estate planning attorney may be an integral part of this process.
When your parents are aware of the fact that you want to be of assistance as they enter into the later stages of their lives, a new type of relationship may develop. They will know they can count on you as their own capabilities wane, and this can strengthen the parent-child bond.
Sanford M. Fisch
CEO & Co-Founder
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
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