Each New Year, we talk about how to better ourselves ― eat well and exercise, watch less television, spend more time with family, etc. And while determining how to live a healthier and more personally fulfilling life is an admirable goal, there’s another question, I think, to ask ourselves at the New Year: what can we do to effect positive change not just in ourselves, but in others? How can we, individually, make the world a better place?

One of my friend’s family members was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer. She did not expect this, and she is not prepared. Her wishes have not been recorded. And it’s hard for her to even think, let alone plan, when she feels so sick from the chemotherapy. Her family is arguing about what is best for her, and how to make it happen. This has already led to serious clashes that may take years to fully heal, and this process is just beginning. And the fact that my friend is in a family business just makes the dynamics all the more charged.

I’d like to say my friend is alone in this challenging circumstance, but as we all know, she’s not. When someone passes away, or is diagnosed with a terminal illness, families may argue. And if that person hasn’t planned in advance, the process can become even more difficult, sometimes tearing families apart entirely.

Unlike many people, we have been granted the opportunity to help others, to improve the world through our work. As attorneys, you help create and execute people’s wishes for the ends of their lives and after their deaths, through their healthcare and estate planning documents. As a healthcare directives registry and electronic document repository, we help ensure that these wishes can be known, available, and followed when it counts. It can be easy to forget amidst the day to day, but with these acts, our efforts can help simplify the complications that arise toward the end of life and after. These actions can help hold families together at the most critical of moments, when they might otherwise split at the seams. What a blessing it is that we have the opportunity to help others, just by doing our jobs.

Self-betterment is a great goal for the New Year, but helping others is at least as important. Clearly, the volunteer activities that we engage in throughout the year are an obvious way to give back. But at this time of year, I think it’s also useful to take a moment to reflect on the fact that this work is not just a source of income; it’s also a service, a means of helping others. As we go forward into this New Year, let’s pledge to renew our efforts to offer good counsel in helping people make the difficult decisions, to support them with these documents when they are needed, and to prevent unnecessary pain for family members when the time comes.

Wishing you a Happy New Year and good works in 2012.

Randi J. Siegel, MBA, is the President of DocuBank, the largest advance directives registry in the U.S., which ensures that the healthcare directives of its 190,000 enrollees are immediately available 24/7/365. Working with estate planning professionals since 1997, Randi frequently speaks at national estate planning conferences and has appeared on radio and television as an authority on registries. She is active in health policy pertaining to advance directives and serves as a Senior Fellow at the Jefferson School of Population Health in Philadelphia. Randi is an ongoing contributor to the Academy blog.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

This story is so extraordinary that if it didn’t really happen, no one would believe it. It seems life truly is stranger than fiction. The story involves two men, a hearse, a dead rock star, five gallons of gasoline, and a promise.

Remember the influential country rock musician Gram Parsons? He played with Emmylou Harris, The Byrds, The Flying Burrito Brothers, and The International Submarine Band. Parsons died in 1973 in a motel room near Joshua Tree National Monument from a morphine overdose at the age of 26.

The film Grand Theft Parsons (2003) is based on the true story of what happened to Parsons’ body after he died. The movie illustrates certain issues that can be helpful for estate planning attorneys to start conversations with their clients.

Prior to his death, Parsons stated that he wanted his body cremated at Joshua Tree and his ashes spread over Cap Rock, a prominent natural feature there. His road manager, Phil Kaufman, (who also managed Parsons’ drug and alcohol use as best he could) and Parsons had a pact. Whoever died first, the other would take the body to Joshua Tree and “set his spirit free,” that is, set the body on fire.

At the beginning of the film, Kaufman tries to obtain Parson’s body from the small, remote hospital near Joshua Tree. The nurse declines to give Kaufman the body, because he was neither a physician nor a close relative. He tries to steal the body from the hospital, unsuccessfully.

Parsons’ body goes to the Los Angeles International Airport for shipment to New Orleans for burial. Parsons’ stepfather arranged for a private ceremony, neglecting to invite any music industry friends.

In the film, Kaufman hires a hippie with a psychedelic hearse to retrieve the body from the airport and bribes the air cargo office clerk to obtain Parson’s body.

Once at Joshua Tree, Kaufman attempts to cremate Parsons by pouring five gallons of gasoline into the open coffin and throwing a lit cigarette inside – resulting in an enormous fireball. That part of the film stays pretty close to the true story.

The movie adds snarky ex-girlfriend Barbara Mansfield, who tries to cash in on Parson’s money and earthly possessions using a handwritten note on the back of a flyer advertisement. She says it’s his Will, but there is no notarization or anything that would make it official.

The note says: “To whom it may concern: I would like it to be known that it is my wish to leave Barbara Mansfield my assets and belongings in the event of my death. Signed, Gram Parsons.”

Kaufman tells her that’s not a Will. She says it’s a signed promise from Gram to leave her all of his things. Parsons was married to another woman at the time.

Using this note, she tries to obtain Parson’s guitar and music masters from Kaufman. She also tries to get money from the bank. The banker tells her they have rules, the piece of paper is invalid, and they would at least need a death certificate for her to prove that he is actually dead. She unsuccessfully tries to get a death certificate from the county registrar.

Outside of the questionable legality of setting a body on fire in a national monument, Grand Theft Parsons opens the door for attorneys to discuss the following points:

• In most states, a hand-written note does not make an acceptable Will, no matter how hard a desperate girlfriend insists it does. Do you as an estate attorney ever face this kind of situation? This is a chance to let your clients know what actually makes a legal Will valid.
• Hospitals will not release bodies to “close friends,” be they road managers or life partners without power-of-attorney proof. In fact, those who want to do their own home death care for a family member may have a difficult time getting a body released to next-of-kin.
• Bribing an air cargo clerk has got to be breaking some kind of law, but this was set in 1973, way before September 11 security enhancements at airports took effect. Only “Known Shippers” can now handle dead bodies when it comes to air cargo. You can’t just drive a psychedelic hearse up to the air cargo office anymore. Sigh.

By the way, in the true story, police chased Kaufman and his friend after setting the body on fire, but the pair got away. They were arrested several days later. Since there was no law against stealing a dead body, they were only fined $750 for stealing the coffin and were not prosecuted for leaving 35 pounds of Parsons’ charred remains in the desert.

Grand Theft Parsons is a fun film with a few life-and-death lessons sprinkled into the comedy. It can be rented on DVD through Netflix and purchased through Amazon.com. Rated PG-13 for drug references and some language.  

Gail Rubin is the author of the award-winning book, A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die (http://AGoodGoodbye.com), and The Family Plot Blog, http://TheFamilyPlot.wordpress.com. She’s “knocking them dead” with her Funny Films to Start Serious Conversations talks.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

Newly released online: a short video encouraging Americans to think about their health care wishes.

Accompanied by moving music, it aims to reach the viewer emotionally as well as intellectually ― more so than I’ve seen in other video pieces on this topic. In fact, its tone reminds me a bit of the emotional ASPCA ads similarly-produced with only music, text and photos.

You might find this 3-minute piece useful to share with clients. It could be viewed in your office while clients wait for their initial consult, as homework before clients complete their healthcare directives with you, or during an educational presentation you might give in your community.

This video might also be an interesting way to reach out to existing clients at the holiday season. While your clients have obviously already completed their directives, it’s just as important that they talk about their wishes with their loved ones. And while this can be hard for them to do, it can be a tremendously important gift to their families. A short video like this to share with loved ones might give them a tool to start the conversation.

The National Healthcare Decisions Day (NHDD) initiative is hosting this video on its website (on the homepage) and adapted it for national use, as another vehicle to encourage advance care planning.

If you have any tools or ideas that you use to help clients have this conversation with their loved ones, please let me know.

Randi J. Siegel, MBA, is the President of DocuBank (docubank.com), the largest advance directive registry in the U.S., which ensures that the healthcare directives of its 190,000 enrollees are immediately available 24/7/365. Working with estate planning professionals since 1997, Randi frequently speaks at national estate planning conferences and has appeared on radio and television as an authority on registries. She is active in health policy pertaining to advance directives and serves as a Senior Fellow at the Jefferson School of Population Health in Philadelphia. Randi is an ongoing contributor to the Academy blog.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

I was recently watching a professional football game where they had a family down on the field honoring them for the service of their son who was serving our country in Afghanistan. As the announcer was describing this impressive young man, he appeared on the field and surprised his family who thought he was still overseas fighting for our country! The joy that they had was contagious and I found myself tearing up at this wonderful reunion.

This also made me think of all of the veterans we serve at Legacy Safeguard that believe since they are veterans that their funeral expenses are completely paid for because they served our country. In fact, many veterans believe that the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) will pay for their funeral expenses.

While the VA does provide burial allowances, they are in fact partial reimbursements of an eligible veteran’s burial and funeral costs. When the cause of death is not service related, the reimbursements are generally described as two payments: (1) a burial and funeral expense allowance, and (2) a plot or interment allowance.

According the VA website, http://www.va.gov, if you are a veteran you may be eligible for VA burial allowance if:

• you paid for a veteran’s burial or funeral, AND

• you have not been reimbursed by another government agency or some other source, such as the deceased veteran’s employer, AND

• the veteran was discharged under conditions other than dishonorable.

In addition, at least one of the following conditions must be met:

• the veteran died because of a service-related disability, OR

• the veteran was receiving VA pension or compensation at the time of death,  OR

• the veteran was entitled to receive VA pension or compensation, but decided not to reduce his/her military retirement or disability pay, OR

• the veteran died while hospitalized by VA, or while receiving care under VA contract at a non-VA facility,  OR

• the veteran died while traveling under proper authorization and at VA expense to or from a specified place for the purpose of examination, treatment, or care, OR

• the veteran had an original or reopened claim pending at the time of death and has been found entitled to compensation or pension from a date prior to the date or death,  OR

• the veteran died on or after October 9, 1996, while a patient at a VA-approved state nursing home.

Now for the big question…How Much Does VA REALLY Pay?

Service-Related Death. VA will pay up to $2,000 toward burial expenses for deaths on or after September 11, 2001. If the veteran is buried in a VA national cemetery, some or all of the cost of transporting the deceased may be reimbursed.

Nonservice-Related Death. VA will pay up to $300 toward burial and funeral expenses and a $300 plot-interment allowance for deaths on or after December 1, 2001. If the death happened while the veteran was in a VA hospital or under VA contracted nursing home care, some or all of the costs for transporting the veteran’s remains may be reimbursed.

While these are good benefits, they won’t usually cover the cost of a funeral. Many veterans are disappointed when they learn that the government doesn’t pay more for their funeral expenses. This false sense of security can lead to a lot of stress for families when a veteran passes away. This is why proper final expense planning is so important for all of our clients. Therefore, be sure to educate your veteran clients about the reality of the benefits that they are entitled to, so this doesn’t happen to them.

Funding a Funeral Trust and enrolling your veteran clients in Legacy Safeguard is another service you can provide not only for the veteran, but for their family. This will not only ensure their family is not left with the burden of having to pass the hat to pay for their funeral, but gives them a powerful venue through the Legacy Safeguard to detail the memories they want to pass down to their loved ones. Legacy Safeguard can also assist the family as they plan to honor their veteran when the need arises. We will be proud to stand by you and assist you as you support those who have done so much to preserve the freedom of our great nation.

Bryan W. Adams is President & CEO of Premier Planning, LLC and Founder of Legacy Safeguard. Bryan is considered one of the nations’ leading experts on final expense planning, and he frequently speaks throughout the country about the importance of assisting clients to gain peace of mind through advanced funeral funding.

Bryan’s passion for helping families prepare for their final expenses came from being raised in the funeral business. His family still owns and operates several funeral homes, and he is constantly amazed at how unprepared families are when a death occurs. Bryan has worked tirelessly to help Americans plan for the inevitable and lessen the burden on their loved ones.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death. After 30 funerals in 30 days, to quote The Grateful Dead, what a long, strange trip it’s been.

No, my circle of family and friends has not been decimated. I did not personally know any of these people, but met them through the local obituaries. I documented their goodbye services on The Family Plot Blog as the 30 Funerals in 30 Days Challenge.

As the self-proclaimed “Doyenne of Death,” I undertook this challenge for three reasons:

1. To illustrate the many creative ways people celebrate the lives of those they love,
2. To help reduce a fear of talking about death – something that will happen to all of us, and
3. To show that funerals are a life cycle event much like a wedding, best planned more than a few days in advance.

I have witnessed such a wide range of events, both religious and non-religious.

Early on, there was Howard Strunk’s memorial luncheon at a bowling alley bar. Josie the bartender put it together because Howard’s wife didn’t want to have a funeral for him. Memorial services are for community, not just for the family.

Sam Baxter’s celebration at Balloon Fiesta Park took the cake for Memorial Service of the Month. He brought the Adams family of balloons to New Mexico in the 1980s. As his first two Adams balloons stood tethered, the several hundred assembled let fly a raft of multi-colored helium balloons. Then more than two-dozen hot air balloons took flight on a perfect day for flying, followed by a tailgate party of grand proportions.

Erika Langholf’s celebration of life was exactly that. The event at a funeral home chapel combined laughter and tears, with many stories told by family and friends. She was born in 1958, and the music reflected the era in which she came of age, including Queen, Rod Stewart, Journey, and, reflective of Erika’s keen sense of humor, “Spirit in the Sky” by Norman Greenbaum.

Even within the confines of an established ritual, funerals can be personalized.

Lonnie Chavez’s funeral at Our Lady of Sorrows Catholic Church followed the form for a funeral Mass. However, as soon as I walked into the church, I could tell Lonnie was a Dallas Cowboys fan. From the blue casket with the team logo and blue and white flower arrangements, to both the deceased and the pallbearers in Cowboys football jerseys, what a way to ride off into the sunset.

Here are a few statistics from the 30 Funerals in 30 Days Challenge:

• The oldest person memorialized was a 90-year-old; the youngest was a 25-year-old.

• Sixteen of the deaths could be considered expected (long-term illness or advanced age) and 14 were unexpected (heart attack, stroke, accident, or medical mishap).

• Of all the event locations, 11 were at a funeral home, six were at houses of worship, five were in cemeteries, and eight were held in other settings, including at a private residence, at the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta Park, in a Japanese garden, at an open space picnic area, and at the German American Club.

• Thirteen of the events (nearly half) were creative celebrations of life with little or no religious references, or some spiritual readings but not a religious service.

Of the 30 events, almost half of these deaths were unexpected. Since we never know when our number will be up, it’s vital to have a conversation today about how you’d like your life to be celebrated. Time may be shorter than we may think.

Gail Rubin is a Certified Celebrant who brings light to a dark subject and helps get funeral planning conversations started. Her award-winning book, A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die (Light Tree Press), was ForeWord Reviews’ Book of the Year Award finalist in the Family & Relationships category. The book is available in print and ebook formats at Amazon.com, Barnes&Noble.com, and at AGoodGoodbye.com.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

The recent death of Steve Jobs really made me stop and think about how I will be remembered long after I’m gone. I think this is a fundamental question that we all have. We all want to be remembered well and not just be another faceless name on a family tree or a name on a headstone in some remote cemetery.

When Steve Jobs passed away, I was amazed to see the immediate shift in the news cycle on every major channel. One minute I was watching Piers Morgan on CNN, and the next minute the news that he had died changed everyone’s news coverage to Steve Jobs and his legacy. It was pretty incredible for a business leader to receive this much attention. I can understand this type of attention for a US President, a famous actor or a member of the Royal family, but this type of coverage shows the impact he has had on our society.

I was also encouraged by the impromptu memorials that popped up at Apple stores all over the world. It reminded me of what we saw when Princes Diana and Ronald Reagan died. It was a very impressive show of love and support for this great man.

Now, whether you’re a fan of Apple or not, you have to agree that Steve Jobs was a visionary man that changed the way we all live, work and communicate with others. Very few people can impact one industry in their lifetime and yet he was a pioneer in many. He revolutionized the personal computing industry with Apple and the Macintosh computer. He changed the animation world forever through Pixar. He turned the music industry upside down with iTunes. He shook up the portable music market with the iPod. He woke up the mobile phone industry with the iPhone. And, he made the mobile computing industry available and fun for millions of people with the iPad and the iPhone.

I really liken him to someone like Michelangelo, Galileo, Christopher Columbus, and others that not only impacted our lives but changed them forever with their art and discovery. I really don’t think we realize now how future generations will remember this man and all that he’s done for our society.

Now the tough question is, “How will you be remembered?” I don’t ask this to discourage you. The reality is that most of us won’t have this type of impact on our entire society, but we can on our families. I encourage you to take chances in life, be bold and most of all love your family with all that you have. You may not invent the iPhone, but to your family you are just as important. So start working now on your legacy to ensure that you are remembered well by all those that matter to you!

Bryan W. Adams is President & CEO of Premier Planning, LLC and Founder of Legacy Safeguard. Bryan is considered one of the nations’ leading experts on final expense planning, and he frequently speaks throughout the country about the importance of assisting clients to gain peace of mind through advanced funeral funding.

Bryan’s passion for helping families prepare for their final expenses came from being raised in the funeral business. His family still owns and operates several funeral homes, and he is constantly amazed at how unprepared families are when a death occurs. Bryan has worked tirelessly to help Americans plan for the inevitable and lessen the burden on their loved ones.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

On Halloween, October 31, we celebrate ghosts and scary things. The spirits of the deceased are remembered on November 1 and 2, All Saints Day and All Souls Day, respectively, also known as the Day of the Dead celebration.

Yet, you might not know this October 30 is the 12^th annual Create a Great Funeral Day. Before Halloween ghosts and Day of the Dead spirits can go a-haunting, there’s usually a funeral or memorial service – the party no one wants to plan.

Confronting the idea of our own death causes uncomfortable thoughts. Rather than facing the inevitability of our dying, our culture denies death. Yet at the same time, we have this enormous celebration of scary and death-related things at Halloween.

The idea behind Create a Great Funeral Day is to consider how you would like to be remembered. By letting loved ones know how you’d like your life celebrated, the survivors’ experience can be so much easier.

Create a Great Funeral Day began in 2000, started by Stephanie West Allen. She saw her husband struggling to pull together a meaningful funeral for his mother, who had left no directions before she died. Observing his grief, Allen felt that knowing what her mother-in-law might have wanted would have eased the pain of memorial service preparations.

Why do people hesitate to discuss funeral planning, let alone do anything concrete about it in advance?

Social psychologists cite the Terror Management Theory, that all human behavior is ultimately motivated by the fear of death. Death creates anxiety, not only because it can strike at unexpected and random moments, but because its nature is essentially unknowable.

The awareness of our own eventual death, called “mortality salience,” affects our decision-making in the face of this terror. Many people decide to avoid the topic.

Create a Great Funeral Day prompts us to be mindful of our mortality. This self-awareness enables us to plan reflectively in advance, so we don’t leave our families to react, disorganized and stressed, after our death.

Blue Öyster Cult’s 1976 hit song, “Don’t Fear the Reaper,” is a perennial favorite on classic rock stations. Its intended message is that love transcends the actual physical existence of the partners. The Reaper refers to the Grim Reaper, a traditional personification of death in European folklore.

A fear of funeral planning equates to fear of death. Those who hold fear in one area of their lives often have fear in other areas. It won’t kill you to move away from the fear of funerals.

Act with love, plan ahead, and talk about what you might want. Your courage will help your family reduce stress at a time of grief, save money, and create a meaningful, memorable “good goodbye.”

On Create a Great Funeral Day, don’t fear the Reaper.

Gail Rubin is a Certified Celebrant and author of A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die. Follow her “30 Funerals in 30 Days Challenge” during the month of October at http://thefamilyplot.wordpress.com/category/30-day-challenge/

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
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Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

Every day we work hard to help people leave a lasting legacy at Legacy Safeguard. We’ve created some of the most comprehensive legacy planning and end-of-life planning services in the legacy planning industry and we’re proud to help people be remembered long after they’re gone.

I also travel frequently across the country speaking to groups about the importance of legacy planning and I’ve found that people always want to talk about their family when thinking about their legacy. People want to talk about their kids and grandkids, and the hope they have for the next generation of their family. Over the years, I’ve realized that legacy planning is all about your family and the generations to come. This may sound obvious to most of you, but it has really hit home for me recently.

My wife and I started trying to have a family and we have struggled with infertility issues for over two years now. At first it wasn’t that big of a deal. We kept thinking it would work the next month. However, one month turned into a year and half. The disappointment each month was really unexplainable. Then Robyn finally got pregnant and we were overjoyed! I immediately started thinking about my hopes for our children and who they would become. I even went to see my estate planning attorney, John R. Vermillion, to make sure that we had everything prepared, so that if something happened to me that my family would be protected.

That joy and excitement that we felt quickly faded when Robyn miscarried and we lost the child we had hoped and prayed for. After recovering from the grief and loss of losing the pregnancy we started trying again with the help of fertility specialists. Again, Robyn got pregnant, and again we lost the pregnancy. We were devastated. It has been the hardest thing we’ve ever had to walk through. The hope of having children, and the hope of leaving a legacy through our family has been more challenging than we ever expected, but we remain hopeful that one day we will be blessed with children of our own.

Remember as you help people plan for their legacy through proper estate planning, that it all comes back to the basic needs of family and providing for the future. Make it personal, and encourage your clients to share with you about their hope for the future of their family. Estate and legacy planning really comes down to everyone’s hope for leaving a legacy!

Bryan W. Adams is President & CEO of Premier Planning, LLC and Founder of Legacy Safeguard. Bryan is considered one of the nations’ leading experts on final expense planning, and he frequently speaks throughout the country about the importance of assisting clients to gain peace of mind through advanced funeral funding.

Bryan’s passion for helping families prepare for their final expenses came from being raised in the funeral business. His family still owns and operates several funeral homes, and he is constantly amazed at how unprepared families are when a death occurs. Bryan has worked tirelessly to help Americans plan for the inevitable and lessen the burden on their loved ones

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

Former American Idol judge and The X Factor creator Simon Cowell. Famed baseball slugger Ted Williams. Bredo Morstoel. Robert Ettinger. What do these four men have in common? And who are Morstoel and Ettinger?

They all have been, or intend to be, put into a cryogenic deep freeze after death. Their hope: when medical science comes up with a cure for whatever ailed them, they can be revived, cured, and restored to life.

Given that this might happen hundreds of years in the future, if at all, the question is – how will their estates pay for this? You think modern medicine is expensive now, wait until 2311!

Cryogenics is a wild and woolly world. It’s a challenge for the estate planning attorneys of today and could be an issue for decades to come.

Robert C.W. Ettinger conceived cryonics and popularized the idea in a 1963 book, “The Prospect of Immortality.” Ettinger died on July 23, 2011, at the age of 92. Mr. Ettinger’s body was promptly placed in a cryonic capsule and frozen at minus 371 degrees Fahrenheit, after several days of graduated cooling.

Ettinger was a physics instructor and science fiction writer. His idea of freezing the dead for future reanimation repelled most scientists. Still, he persuaded at least 105 people to pay $28,000 each to have their bodies preserved in liquid nitrogen at his Cryonics Institute in suburban Detroit. His mother, Rhea, who died in 1977 at 78, was his first patient. No word in Ettinger’s obituary on how his family will continue to pay for the service in the future.

Before Simon Cowell indicated he’d like to be frozen, baseball legend Ted Williams, whose freezing at an unrelated Arizona facility in 2002 set off a well-publicized family feud, was probably the most notable cryonics adherent.

But even before these two famous cryonics fans, there was Trygve Bauge, grandson of Bredo Morstoel from Norway. We have Grandpa Bredo and Trygve to thank for the annual Frozen Dead Guy Days festival in Nederland, Colorado.

After Grandpa’s death due to a heart condition in 1989, Trygve had him packed in dry ice and shipped to a U.S. cryonics facility. In 1993, Trygve, hoping to start his own cryonics service, moved Grandpa to his concrete bunker home in Nederland, a tiny town 17 miles west of Boulder.

The story then takes a number of interesting turns. Trygve was deported back to Norway in 1995 due to visa issues. Long story short – Grandpa Bredo has been kept in a Tuff Shed-sheltered, dry ice-fueled deep freeze in Nederland ever since. The family sends money monthly to keep the dry ice stocked.

But how long will the family keep sending money? Grandpa Bredo has been on ice for 21 years. As far as anyone can tell, there is no family trust in place to keep “The Ice Man” coming with the monthly 1,600 pounds of dry ice that keeps Grandpa at a steady (and cryogenically inadequate) minus 60 degrees Fahrenheit. (Kids, don’t try this at home!)

At this point, the money from the annual festival benefits the town, not the family. This year, the Nederland Chamber of Commerce put the festival, now going into its 11^th year, up for sale to a professional festival organization.

I’m sure the family and the Chamber of Commerce would appreciate any free advice as to how to keep the cold hard cash coming.

Gail Rubin, Certified Celebrant, is author of A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die and The Family Plot Blog (http://TheFamilyPlot.wordpress.com). She debuted The Newly-Dead Gameä at the 2011 Frozen Dead Guy Days festival in Nederland. The game is a fun, upbeat way to get the funeral planning conversation started: http://agoodgoodbye.com/newly-dead-game.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

The International Cemetery, Cremation and Funeral Association recently held their summer university. I attended the ICCFA University College of 21^st Century Funeral Services and came away with a new perspective on how funerals are changing.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a psychologist trained in life transitions who spoke there, said, “More and more people in North America are asking ‘Why have a funeral?’”

People are saying, “When I die, just get rid of me no muss, no fuss. Maybe have a party, but I sure don’t want a funeral.” “Dad said he didn’t want us to go to any trouble, so we are just going to do what he said.” “We just thought it would be easier, faster, and cheaper.”

Wolfelt said that efficiency should not be confused with effectiveness. He said, “We’ve gone from funerals to memorial services to celebrations to parties. In the process, we have lost the connection to grief and emotion.”

People are losing sight of the value of holding some kind of ritual service, a safe place to grieve and mourn. Very often, the people who don’t recognize a death with a funeral or memorial service are in a psychologist’s office six months later with problems related to unexpressed emotions.

We in the U.S. have become an increasingly “mourning-avoidant” culture, where people tend to want to avoid sadness. At a meaningful funeral, people laugh one moment and cry the next as they share stories that cause laughter as well as tears. This experience of “paradoxical emotions” results in what Wolfelt calls the “sweet spot of emotional experience.”

Traditional clergy doing cookie-cutter funerals with little relevance to the deceased or their family have also contributed to the decline of funerals. Wolfelt and Doug Manning, founder of the In-Sight Institute (which certifies nondenominational “Funeral Celebrants”), both noted the declining number of Americans who attend church and the growing number of interfaith families.

The 2010 American Religious Identification Survey estimated that approximately 15% of the American population do not attend religious services or consider themselves church affiliated. If you grouped all the identified “nones” into a state, it would be the second largest state in the union, right behind California and before Texas.

In our highly mobile society with fewer ties to church or a specific religion, there is a growing corps of Funeral Celebrants who can offer families a personalized and individualized funeral or memorial service experience.

A Funeral Celebrant is trained in the specific area of conducting funerals and memorial services for families who are not affiliated with a religion or theology. Celebrants can assist a family with no clergyperson, as well as those uncomfortable with traditional religious funerals, on whom to call when there’s a death.

The use of Certified Celebrants originated in New Zealand and Australia, where 80% of the population chooses cremation and many people do not attend a church. Civil Celebrants, who are licensed by the government, perform over 50% of the funerals and weddings in those countries.

Doug Manning brought the idea of Certified Funeral Celebrants to North America in 1999 when he founded the In-Sight Institute. In-Sight has certified more than 1,600 Celebrants across the U.S. and internationally.

Another 36 Certified Celebrants graduated at the end of this ICCFA University. I’m proud to be one of them.

Gail Rubin, Certified Celebrant, is author of A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die and The Family Plot Blog (http://TheFamilyPlot.wordpress.com). She provides the information, inspiration and tools to pre-plan thoughtful and meaningful funerals or memorial services. Her website is http://AGoodGoodbye.com.

Academy Guest Blogger
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