As an attorney, you have particular potential to help folks think and talk about their health care goals and wishes. This makes you in synch with National Healthcare Decisions Day (NHDD), a grassroots initiative now in its 6^th year which encourages people to do just this. (April 16, the day after tax day, is designated as it’s in keeping with Ben Franklin’s adage that nothing is certain “except death and taxes.”)

National Healthcare Decisions Day (NHDD)

Given your busy schedule, here are some straightforward things to choose from to help others focus just a bit on advance care planning. Some are purely altruistic. Others have marketing potential built in.

1. Lead by example: Create or update your own advance directive. Talk with your family about your wishes if you haven’t. (Talking about theirs, too, is even better!)

2. Take your staff’s pulse. Have your staff take a quick, anonymous survey of whether they’ve done any thinking about their wishes or completed an advance directive and why or why not. For a short survey, email me. (Your staff may be a good barometer of what your clients are thinking.)

3. Encourage your staff to do basic advance care planning. Facilitate an informal conversation among staff about their own questions and their wishes. Maybe bring in lunch to help spur the talking. Have advance directive forms available and have a witnessing party when they sign.

4. Offer clients tools to help them talk to their families. The Conversation Project’s Starter Kit includes great ideas for how to open the conversation, along with guidance for talking with their doctor. To introduce a little levity, try suggesting a special deck of cards to spur the conversation. The best ones I’ve found are Heart2Hearts and Go Wish (also has an online version).

5. Pass this post on to your colleagues via the listserv of your bar association or estate planning council.

6. Engage one member of the media. Contact one health reporter from your local newspaper or TV station and offer yourself as an expert for a story. (The NHDD website has a media kit.)  Or, submit an article or op-ed to your local paper (use the NHDD standard template, or contact me for one specifically designed for estate planning and elder law attorneys).

7. Reach out to one religious leader in your community (perhaps your own, if relevant). Use the email template in the list of NHDD Tools. Provide links to: the Conversation Project to help parishioners/congregants get started; your state’s online advance directive form; and to the Faith Leader’s Initiative of the Coalition to Transform Advanced Care (C-TAC).

Let me know if I can be of any assistance.

Randi J. Siegel,MBA, is the President of DocuBank(docubank.com), the largest advance directives registry in the U.S., which ensures that the emergency information and healthcare directives of its 200,000 enrollees are immediately available 24/7/365. Working with estate planning professionals since 1997, Randi frequently speaks at national estate planning conferences and has appeared on radio and television as an authority on registries. A member of the Center for Advocacy for the Rights and Interests of the Elderly, the International Society of Advance Care Planning, and the Coalition to Transform Advanced Care, she is active in health education and public engagement related to advance care planning and advance directives and serves as Pennsylvania liaison to the National Healthcare Decisions Day initiative. Randi is an ongoing contributor to the Academy blog.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

I recently attended the first annual meeting of the national Coalition to Transform Advanced Illness Care (C-TAC). Most striking was this: amidst the high-level discussion about healthcare systems changes, public engagement and policy improvements, the over-riding theme was stories. The personal stories from the speakers and panelists about the death of a loved one.

Even the 3 U.S. Senators who spoke (both republican and democratic) began with how their personal stories motivated them to want to improve national policy on this issue. The stories were both of “good deaths” and “bad deaths.”

Everyone has these stories, whether about the death of a parent, a grandparent, a close friend. Which is why you should consider using their power when it comes to your clients’ health care directives and advance care planning. You can elicit their stories, but you can also share your own.

Telling your personal story to clients and prospects can be a good way to:

• Explain what healthcare directives are for

• Convey why it’s important to families to document one’s wishes and talk about them

• Create an emotional connection with clients and prospects

While it may not be appropriate to reveal to clients what sort of estate planning vehicles and decisions your own parents or grandparents made and what happened when they died, you can probably share what happened when they were hospitalized, whether their medical wishes were followed, and whether they were even known.

For some examples of how you might succinctly tell your own story about the death of a loved one, see The Conversation Project. It contains the stories of a number of leaders in medicine, clergy, and the media who came together to share their own stories about the deaths of their own loved ones. Founded by former syndicated columnist Ellen Goodman, this initiative helps people create a comfortable, safe way to talk about their goals for living with and dying from advancing illness

The Conversation Project also has great suggestions on how clients can start their own conversation with loved ones about their health care wishes and how to guide it. Tell them to read the “opening lines” suggestions from The Conversation Project. Tell them to use its guides for when and where they might like to have this conversation. Tell them they have to do it. Sooner or later, their adult children will thank you.

Randi J. Siegel,MBA, is the President of DocuBank(docubank.com), the largest advance directives registry in the U.S., which ensures that the emergency information and healthcare directives of its 200,000 enrollees are immediately available 24/7/365. Working with estate planning professionals since 1997, Randi frequently speaks at national estate planning conferences and has appeared on radio and television as an authority on registries. A member of the International Society of Advance Care Planning, she is active in health policy and health education related to advance care planning and advance directives and serves as Pennsylvania liaison to the National Healthcare Decisions Day initiative. Randi is an ongoing contributor to the Academy blog.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

Acting as the health care proxy for a loved one who has been in the ICU for 5 days is stressful. No news here. But a new study finds that a surrogate’s confidence in their decisions can actually be increased and their stress decreased — if the patient and the surrogate had talked about treatment preferences in advance. This was true even if patients hadn’t written down their health care wishes.

So, you think you are “done” with your clients’ advance care planning when clients sign their advance directives? Nope.

The next step in proactive planning is to counsel clients to talk with their named health care agent about their wishes or goals. This is consistent with your role as a trusted advisor, not just a drafter of documents.

When talking together, loved ones can get a sense of the client’s preferences about what’s important to them. Maybe it’s certain qualities of life, or length of life, or thinking about potential tradeoffs between them. Yes, it’s true that all possible medical scenarios can’t be discussed in advance, but that isn’t the goal. (This is also why the living will is usually best used as guidance to the health care agent.)

Perhaps the scenario featured in this study could even be a catalyst for a discussion by clients who want to dig a bit deeper: Your client is in the ICU for 5 days on a ventilator. What’s important to them if they’re in the ICU because: they have a terminal condition? Are in an irreversible coma? Have had a stroke and may remain severely physically impaired? Or severely mentally impaired? The answers might be different.

Is this topic really necessary for you to advise your clients about? Consider this: on average, ¼ of your elderly clients will die in an ICU. Even more will die in situations requiring their health care agent to make decisions. What do you want to do to help your clients’ spouses, adult children, or other surrogates feel more confident that their decisions will be in your clients’ best interest?

PS  Thanksgiving is a great time for clients to talk with their families about healthcare wishes. Folks are relaxed and not in the midst of a medical crisis. This 2-minute video is a good inspiration for clients. Click here if you’d like a draft article for your client newsletter or e-blast encouraging clients to “have the talk” over Thanksgiving.

Randi J. Siegel, MBA, is the President of DocuBank (docubank.com), the largest advance directives registry in the U.S., which ensures that the emergency information and healthcare directives of its 200,000 enrollees are immediately available 24/7/365. Working with estate planning professionals since 1997, Randi frequently speaks at national estate planning conferences and has appeared on radio and television as an authority on registries. A member of the International Society of Advance Care Planning, she is active in health policy and health education related to advance care

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

A Missouri woman is being accused of 1^st degree murder and forgery. The murder weapon: her father’s power of attorney, allegedly forged, naming herself as the agent. The actual murder: directing that her father’s life-sustaining medical treatment be discontinued. The accused, Susan Elizabeth (“Liz”) Van Note has pleaded not guilty to the charges.

This case turns even more bizarre. Prosecutors allege that Ms. Van Note is responsible for the critical gunshot wound that landed her father in the hospital in the first place. They claim that she shot her father and his fiancé in their home shortly before their upcoming marriage. (The fiancée was killed. These charges are being handled separately.)

The prosecutor explains that the actual murder charge against Ms. Van Note stems from the document forgery and from her subsequent action as her father’s health care agent – not from the shooting itself – because it is the termination of medical treatment that directly led to his death.

One unfortunate and shocking detail: Ms. Van Note is actually an estate planning attorney. Presumably your clients and prospective clients are savvy enough to understand that case is an anomaly. And presumably they will understand that you truly are committed to, as Ms. Van Note’s own website states, empowering clients “to make a difference in the lives of [their] loved ones” by providing “honest and sincere legal counsel.”  Nonetheless, this case has been picked up by AP and might be appearing in your local paper, so it’s worth knowing that this news is out there.

Randi J. Siegel, MBA, is the President of DocuBank (docubank.com), the largest advance directives registry in the U.S., which ensures that the emergency information and healthcare directives of its 200,000 enrollees are immediately available 24/7/365. Working with estate planning professionals since 1997, Randi frequently speaks at national estate planning conferences and has appeared on radio and television as an authority on registries. A member of the International Society of Advance Care Planning, she is active in health policy and health education related to advance care planning and advance directives and serves as Pennsylvania liaison to the National Healthcare Decisions Day initiative. Randi is an ongoing contributor to the Academy blog.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

Today is exactly one week before National Healthcare Decisions Day (NHDD), April 16. The sole purpose of this grassroots initiative (now in its 5th year) is to encourage folks to do their own advance care planning.

I’ve blogged here previously about ways you can use NHDD to help both your firm and your community (see Do Well by Doing Good and Put April 16 On Your Marketing Calendar).

This year to honor NHDD, I recommend we all lead by example. In other words, let’s start closer to home — with ourselves, our families, and our staff.

• Complete an advance directive.
  Think you’re the only attorney in this field who doesn’t have one? Not so; you’re in surprisingly good company! But it’s time to practice what we preach. If you don’t have your advance directive yet, just do it. We all urge clients to create these documents because they’re so important, and it’s time we take our own advice!

• Make sure your immediate family all have advance directives.
  I’ve talked with two estate planning attorneys who have personally experienced the HIPAA Horror Story: when their children were hospitalized while away at college, the emergency staff refused to tell each of them anything about their child by phone without a HIPAA Release (neither “young adult” child had one). It’s a parent’s nightmare. Yet, it’s easily preventable. As an attorney, you have the document access necessary to easily protect your family. Make sure that your spouse/significant other, your grown children, and your young adult children over 18 have all signed at least a HCPOA and a HIPAA Release.

• Protect your staff.
  As you know, your clients appreciate that you got them to create their advance directives by automatically including them in your planning. Sometimes, your staff needs the same kind of push — to create the vital documents that they, too, might rather avoid thinking about. You’re in a unique position to help them protect themselves. Completing their own advance directives is also a good way for your staff to understand more about your firm’s services and to have a taste of your clients’ experience. Some firms actually strongly encourage all staff members to create their estate plans (courtesy of the firm) for this reason.

• Review existing directives.
  So you, your family, your staff – everyone – has an advance directive. Great! But it’s not enough to just have them. They need to be kept relevant. Your firm has its own schedule of review for your clients’ documents; why not for yours, as well? Consider reviewing documents for yourself, family, and staff on the same schedule as your firm’s client review cycle. Additionally, Charlie Sabatino, J.D., Director of the ABA’s Commission on Law and Aging, suggests these “5 D’s” as triggers for review of the advance directive: Death of a family member or friend; Divorce; a significant Decline in one’s condition; a new Diagnosis; and each new Decade.

• Talk to Loved Ones about Your Wishes
  I’ve blogged about this many times before: this step is just as important as writing directives. Talk about your wishes with your family once a year. NHDD (April 16) is a good time – it gives you a reason and place to begin the discussion. Thanksgiving can be an even better time, especially if most of your extended family is together. Regardless of the day you choose, let’s make sure we all talk about our wishes, and encourage others to do the same.

Randi J. Siegel, MBA, is the President of DocuBank (docubank.com), the largest advance directives registry in the U.S., which ensures that the healthcare directives of its 190,000 enrollees are immediately available 24/7/365. Working with estate planning professionals since 1997, Randi frequently speaks at national estate planning conferences and has appeared on radio and television as an authority on registries. She is active in health policy pertaining to advance directives and serves as a Senior Fellow at the Jefferson School of Population Health in Philadelphia. Randi is an ongoing contributor to the Academy blog.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

What books do you suggest to your clients when it comes to end-of-life and funeral planning issues? I’ve got a bunch of great resources on my bookshelf. Here are a few recommendations for your consideration, with direct links to Amazon:

Jane Brody, weekly personal health columnist for The New York Times, has written prolifically on living a healthy lifestyle. As she so practically notes in the preface to her book, “…even the healthiest of lives eventually must come to an end. In this book I hope to help my readers make that end – for themselves and for those they love – as peaceful and, yes, as enjoyable as it can be.”

The full title pretty much says it all: Jane Brody’s Guide to the Great Beyond: A Practical Primer to Help You and Your Loved Ones Prepare Medically, Legally, and Emotionally for the End of Life. This book is a wonderful resource that covers many planning areas in a warm, thoughtful tone. Throughout, Brody provides great insights on advance directives, funeral planning, care giving, hospice and palliative care, spiritual care, organ and body donations, and so much more. (hardback and Kindle)

The Party of Your Life: Get the Funeral You Want by Planning It Yourself by Erika Dillman is a relentlessly upbeat guide to making your send-off a memorable celebration. The book provides guidance on details for the funeral of the future: a major party! She encourages individuals to write down all the desired elements, from themes and settings to music and readings. With snappy chapter titles and helpful how-to tips, Dillman encourages establishing a funeral box, an official funeral website, and a posse to carry out your funeral plans. (paperback)

GRAVE reflections by funeral directors Gloria and Louis Salazar provides well-grounded information about funeral planning, burial versus cremation, legal issues surrounding death, prearrangement and insurance, and more. In a nice finishing touch, both authors wrote their own obituaries and funeral plans. (Kindle, paperback through www.GraveReflections.com)

Last but not least, there’s my book, A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die. It covers the gamut with a light touch, from death’s door to “what if” questions. Steve Hartnett, AAEPA ‘s Associate Director of Education, is featured answering questions on how to ensure arrangements are carried out, pet trusts, and what happens when a person dies without a will or trust. (paperback and ebook)

Look for other titles related to care for ailing loved ones in my next post.

Gail Rubin is a Certified Celebrant who brings light to a dark subject and helps get funeral planning conversations started. Her book, A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die, has won multiple awards. Gail is an ongoing contributor to the Academy blog. Contact her at 505-265-7215 or email Gail@AGoodGoodbye.com.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

From my discussions with estate planning attorneys, I know that many of you are always on the lookout for current stories to help clients understand the value of the estate planning you’re proposing.

‘The Descendants,” this year’s Oscar-winning film (best adapted screenplay) might serve just this purpose – at the very least vis-a-vis your clients’ healthcare directives.

First of all, just mentioning George Clooney to your clients might help get their attention. Second, the story conveys several powerful messages about the benefits of written advance directives and of making medical decisions in advance.

This film sets up George Clooney as a middle-aged husband whose vital, healthy wife has just been seriously injured in a tragic boat racing accident. She now lies in a coma on life support. The Clooney character, Matt King, reveals himself to us through his anguished, bedside pleadings with his wife, Elizabeth, to awaken from her coma. After three weeks of waiting, doctors tell Matt that she will never wake again.

Enter the living will. Elizabeth has completed one, and it states that she wants life support to be terminated in a medical situation like this one. (The film doesn’t mention an HCPOA.)  During multiple scenes, we see King telling family and friends of her permanent condition and her medical wishes.

The film conveys, poignantly, the value that an advance directive can play for a family experiencing a devastating tragedy like this one.

The movie does this largely through what it doesn’t show us. Precisely because Elizabeth has a living will, we don’t see the added emotional difficulties the family might face if she had not completed an advance directive.

• We don’t see the doctor asking Matt King what he thinks his wife would have wanted, and King trying to decide himself, potentially agonizingly, whether to terminate her life support.

• We don’t see the compounded anger and resentments of their rebellious teenage daughter (who, beneath it all, still identifies with her mother) that might result from seeing her father put in the position of making this difficult decision.

• We don’t see the added confusion of their 10 year old daughter, who might perceive that her father has “chosen” to end her mother’s life.

• And while we do see Matt’s father-in-law blame Matt for his wife’s boating accident, we don’t see him blaming Matt for discontinuing the life support. Without the advance directive document, Elizabeth’s father, in his own grief, might not be able to resist the temptation to blame Matt for this, too.

What we do see clearly presented on screen is that advance care planning is actually a gift to one’s family in tragic situations. Indeed, when Matt King shows his wife’s father her living will and explains that she will be removed from life support, her father responds: “Elizabeth had the good sense to write this thing. She’s a strong girl. A thoughtful girl.”

P.S. “The Descendants” also has a strong plotline about other estate planning matters. See this Forbes article for a full analysis of the estate planning issues presented.

Randi J. Siegel, MBA, is the President of DocuBank, the largest advance directives registry in the U.S., which ensures that the healthcare directives of its 190,000 enrollees are immediately available 24/7/365. Working with estate planning professionals since 1997, Randi frequently speaks at national estate planning conferences and has appeared on radio and television as an authority on registries. She is active in health policy pertaining to advance directives and serves as a Senior Fellow at the Jefferson School of Population Health in Philadelphia. Randi is an ongoing contributor to the Academy blog.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

What would more likely get your clients to make pre-need funeral plans: a real life tragedy or a light romantic comedy? Consider these two approaches.

The family of Josh Powell, the man who killed his two sons in an explosive house fire in Washington state, recently said he will not be buried in the same cemetery as the children.

Powell’s mother, wracked by grief, realized no one else was planning the disposition of Josh Powell’s remains. All the attention was focused on his two murdered children. She visited a funeral home and a few cemeteries and picked a gravesite.

It turns out the grave she selected was just up the hill from where the boys were buried. They were laid to rest on February 11 at Woodbine Cemetery, the municipal cemetery in Puyallup.

The idea that the murder suspect would be buried near his victims sparked outrage in the community. His family retreated and started looking for another cemetery in which to bury Powell. (read the MSNBC.com story)

Shopping around for a burial plot after a tragic murder is the last thing any family member wants to do. In this case, the mother’s clueless selection added insult to injury. Yet, it does raise some points for discussion.

Few people younger than retirement age buy burial plots. It’s something embraced by those who plan ahead. With so many people choosing cremation, why doesn’t this family look at that option and decide what to do with the remains later?

Heavy stuff. Perhaps a light romantic comedy would be more palatable. The film Elizabethtown (2005 – PG-13) offers an opening to discuss burial versus cremation.

In the film, Drew Baylor’s father unexpectedly dies of a heart attack while visiting his family in Elizabethtown, Kentucky. His mother sends Drew with dad’s favorite blue suit to have the body cremated and brought home to Oregon.

Drew is shown the Baylor family plot in Kentucky, which dates back 272 years. They don’t cotton well to the idea of cremation. His mom insists, and dad is cremated.

Drew’s mother is not well regarded by the Baylors. This being a comedy, she comes to the memorial service, where their old grudges are resolved. In reality, family funerals often extend or intensify disputes rather than bury them.

Then there’s The Blue Suit Compromise. Since the Kentucky Baylors wanted a burial, dad’s blue suit and other items were buried in the family plot. Drew takes his dad’s ashes on a road trip, stopping for scattering at significant spots along the way.

What should a family do about a final resting place? Is one even needed? Would they want burial or cremation? Are finances a factor in what the family wants done?

It’s better to raise these questions before there’s a death. It can reduce an enormous amount of stress at a time of grief. Are you the right person to help start that conversation?

Gail Rubin, “The Doyenne of Death,” is author of the award-winning book, A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die. She speaks to groups using clips from funny films to illustrate funeral planning issues and help start serious conversations. Her website is http://AGoodGoodbye.com.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

A few weeks ago, the ABA Center for Law and Aging held a webinar: “Effective Advance Care Planning: Are Your Advance Directives Worth The Paper They Are Written On?” The purpose was to enhance attorneys’ client counseling skills on this topic and their drafting of more effective advance directives. Today I’ll share some state-of-the-art thinking from these leading advance care planning experts on one of the topics discussed: appointing the health care agent.

Choosing a Health Care Agent
Attorneys can add important value to the advance directive drafting process and to the clients’ thinking about advance directives. With the Health Care Power of Attorney, you have the opportunity to help clients be thoughtful about their choice of health care proxy. The guiding responsibility: to think about the best way for the clients’ wishes to be honored.

A.    Share with clients the skills and qualities of the ideal healthcare proxy

The agent should be someone who can:

• advocate for the patient with doctors, hospitals, and the medical community generally;

• manage conflict within the family

And while there is no such thing as a perfect agent, there is always the “best-possible agent” from among the client’s options.

B.     Counsel clients not to assume that their spouse is the best choice

While it is understandable that most clients do choose their spouse or significant other as their agent, sometimes spouses are simply not the best equipped to fulfill this role. A spouse may not be able to handle conflict, for example. If you recognize this, you should advise the client to select another party. But even beyond the obvious cases where the spouse is the wrong choice, you should broach this concept with clients in ways that will make the topic comfortable and safe for them to consider and discuss:

• Introduce the idea in the third person (e.g. “some of my clients find that their spouse actually isn’t the best person to make these decisions…)

• Use specific client examples – real or fictional stories war stories of clients who inappropriately chose the spouse

C.    Do not appoint co-agents

While attorneys have differing opinions on this and states also vary, the experts who spoke to this point strongly recommended naming only one agent. Clients who want to appoint co-agents usually have multiple adult children whom they want to be involved.

Solutions for this include:

• Having an understanding that there is a single decision-maker but shared information between the agent and the other siblings

• Even including language in the HCPOA that the agent must reasonably consult with the other adult children – for instance before making an important decision

D.    Help clients make the family comfortable with their choice of agent

As counsel, the attorney’s role is also to help clients think about how the family moves forward after the death of the client. It’s important that the adult children or the spouse who is not chosen as the agent feels OK about this decision. Counsel your clients to talk about their choice of agent with the loved ones(s) whom they didn’t name – and to explain their thinking. Often this can be done in very compassionate terms, e.g. “I knew it would be too hard for you to make these decisions…”

Randi J. Siegel, MBA, is the President of DocuBank, the largest advance directives registry in the U.S., which ensures that the healthcare directives of its 190,000 enrollees are immediately available 24/7/365. Working with estate planning professionals since 1997, Randi frequently speaks at national estate planning conferences and has appeared on radio and television as an authority on registries. She is active in health policy pertaining to advance directives and serves as a Senior Fellow at the Jefferson School of Population Health in Philadelphia. Randi is an ongoing contributor to the Academy blog.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

Estate planning, as well as funeral planning, is generally a hard conversation to start. People are reluctant to talk about their mortality.

There’s actually a psychological term for this reluctance: the Terror Management Theory. It’s based on the work of Dr. Ernest Becker and his 1973 Pulitzer Prize-winning work, The Denial of Death.

The Terror Management Theory posits that all human behavior is ultimately motivated by the fear of death. Death creates anxiety: it can strike at unexpected and random moments, and its nature is essentially unknowable.

This awareness of our own eventual death, called “mortality salience,” affects our decision-making in the face of this terror. Many people deal with it by deciding to avoid the topic altogether.

It takes personal value and a healthy self-esteem to even consider talking about estate and funeral planning. And it’s estimated that two-thirds of the general population has low self-esteem.

So perhaps one-third of your potential clients have the positive self-esteem to even show up at your office to plan their estates. Playing a little game can help start the reluctant conversation.

Remember the TV show, “The Newlywed Game,” which quizzed newly-married couples on how well they knew each other? The Newly-Dead Gameä– based on elements of “The Newlywed Game” — tests how well couples know their partner’s last wishes in a fun, upbeat way.

The game debuted at the 2011 Frozen Dead Guy Days festival in Nederland, Colorado, and will be returning for this year’s festival March 2-4, 2012. (See the September 19, 2011 post on Cryonics and Estate Planning.)

Couples who have played this game come away with a fresh appreciation of how much they still need to know about each other when it comes to funeral planning. The Newly-Dead Game can also help adult children obtain information about their parents’ last wishes.

For those Academy Members who would like to consider The Newly-Dead Game for client or community outreach events, contact me and I’ll send you a complimentary .PDF file of the question cards and game rules. Just as talking about sex won’t make you pregnant, talking about funerals won’t make you dead – and your clients will benefit from the conversation.

Gail Rubin is a Certified Celebrant who brings light to a dark subject and helps get funeral planning conversations started. Her award-winning book, A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die, won Best of Show in the 2011 New Mexico Book Awards. The book is available in print and e-book formats at Amazon.com, Barnes&Noble.com, and at AGoodGoodbye.com. Contact her at 505-265-7215 or email Gail@AGoodGoodbye.com.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com