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Robert Ettinger, the father of cryonics, died a few weeks ago at the age of 92. He believed that an individual can achieve immortality by freezing one’s body upon death, until scientific advances allow them to be resurrected.
Having already frozen his mother and his 1st and 2nd wives, Mr. Ettinger became his Cryonics Institute’s 106th human patient. Last year, he described these patients to a New Yorker reporter as “not truly dead in any fundamental sense.”
So far, over 900 individuals have registered and paid a minimum of $28,000 to be frozen by the Institute upon their deaths. If you think that sounds steep, you’ll be surprised to learn that a competing organization charges multiples times more.
(You may recall the most famous cryonics customer, former major league ball player Ted Williams, and the legal dispute over his actual wishes for the disposition of his remains back in 2002.)
Of course, in addition to the enormous scientific obstacles to cryonics as yet unsolved, there are also interesting legal questions. For example, Ettinger himself would face a tricky situation of the family law variety, were cryonics ever to be successful. As he was a widow before marrying his 2nd wife, what would happen if both Mr. Ettinger’s wives were brought back to life? “That would be a high class problem,” he observed.
Are you likely to encounter a cryonics client? Probably not. But cryonics is just one example of how advances in science and medicine often come before the usefulness of these technologies has been determined. And how these developments may be challenging our familiar definitions of life, death, and the execution of our end-of-life wishes.
If you’ve encountered an unusual situation around clients’ estate planning or healthcare wishes, please let me know (no client names, of course) at rsiegel@docubank.com.
Randi J. Siegel, MBA, is the President of DocuBank (docubank.com), the largest advance directive registry in the U.S., which ensures that the healthcare directives of its 190,000 enrollees are immediately available 24/7/365. Working with estate planning professionals since 1997, Randi frequently speaks at national estate planning conferences and has appeared on radio and television as an authority on registries. She is active in health policy pertaining to advance directives and serves as a Senior Fellow at the Jefferson School of Population Health in Philadelphia. Randi is an ongoing contributor to the Academy blog.
Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, CA 92123
858-453-2128
www.aaepa.com
The holiday season brings people together; whether you are spending time with family to enjoy a holiday meal, out shopping with friends, or working on a community project. Whatever the reason, people use this time of the year to reconnect.
There are so many things each of us take for granted. One of the first things we do each morning is select what we are going to wear that day. For many people it is not so much what am I going to wear, but do I have something to wear? Do I have something to wear that will protect me from the elements, shelter me from the rain or cold, or block the blowing wind?
Our company gives back by participating in a local coat drive to aid a homeless shelter in Dallas, Texas. Every year we collect coats, blankets, socks, hats, and other winter attire that will keep someone warm. Items are collected, sized and sorted for months, all in preparation for this one evening. Each time we go to the shelter, there are so many memorable stories, but I wanted to share this one:
One evening, a very tiny, little lady approached a table that was designated for extra large men. The volunteer assigned to the table attempted to redirect her, but the lady was insistent. She looked very determined. She knew what she needed and she was not giving up. The volunteer tried to help, and after much coaxing, the lady finally told her what she had in mind: She was looking for a coat for a friend who could not come with her that night because he was outside with all of her belongings. She wasn’t interested in anything for herself, just for him. She said he does so much for me; I just want to do something for him, “he’s proud, you know.” The volunteer held up several coats until they found just the right one. When they settled on one, she let out a big “hallelujah” as to say her job was done. She hugged the volunteer and quickly left the building.
Gratitude is the quality of being thankful and showing appreciation. This tiny, little lady was so thankful for the kindness her friend showed her each day; she put her very real needs aside for him. She did it cheerfully, generously, and willingly without any thought.
Isn’t this something we could focus on especially at this time of the year? Expressing gratitude is a rewarding habit that affirms the grace of the giver. Gratitude opens our hearts and encourages us to take a moment to reflect on each gift that crosses our lives.
We are so grateful for this time to reflect on our many blessings of hope and thankfulness. We are thankful for our association with the outstanding group of men and woman of the Academy and look forward to our continued partnership.
Bryan W. Adams is President & CEO of Premier Planning, LLC and Founder of Legacy Safeguard. Bryan is considered one of the nations’ leading experts on final expense planning, and he frequently speaks throughout the country about the importance of assisting clients to gain peace of mind through advanced funeral funding.
Bryan’s passion for helping families prepare for their final expenses came from being raised in the funeral business. His family still owns and operates several funeral homes, and he is constantly amazed at how unprepared families are when a death occurs. Bryan has worked tirelessly to help Americans plan for the inevitable and lessen the burden on their loved ones.
Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
6050 Santo Rd., Ste. 240
San Diego, CA 92124
858-453-2128
www.aaepa.com
Every year around Thanksgiving I think about the wishbone tradition. My dad always made a big deal about it, and my sister and I would always try to be the one who got the long end of the wishbone. That was always a special time for us and even though we had no idea what the tradition was all about, it was fun to have our mom and dad laugh as we tried to strategically break the wishbone in two.
We always thought that this was just our family tradition, but did you know that the tradition of breaking a wishbone dates back for over 2,400 years? During that era, the Etruscan people believed that fowl could predict the future. Each day the hen’s squawking would announce that she was laying an egg and the dawning of a new day was then broadcast by the early morning crowing of the rooster. The Etruscan people also believed that the way chicken’s selected the grain they ate was prophetic. They drew a circle in the dirt and divided it into twenty wedges; each represented a letter in the Etruscan alphabet. A piece of grain would be placed in each wedge. As the hen ate, a scribe would list the order of the letters the hen pecked and the letter order would be used by the high priest to answer questions. If a chicken was killed, the collarbone was thought to be sacred, thus it was not touched and was left to dry in the sun. The people gathered around to hold the unbroken bone and made a wish in hopes of it bringing them good luck. The “wishbone tradition” was derived from this early practice.
The Roman’s embraced many of the Etruscan customs. The people of Rome began fighting over the unbroken bones of chickens because they wanted good fortune. It was said that the phases, “I need a lucky break,” or “I never get a break,” came from the looser in the tug of collarbone contest. This quickly spread throughout England, and the English people referred to the breaking of the bones as “merry-thoughts.”
When the Pilgrims arrived at Plymouth Rock, they brought the custom of breaking the wishbone with them. As they looked around at their new surroundings in the woods of North America, there were no chickens, but turkeys were abundant. They changed the custom from the chicken to the turkey.
This custom is certainly alive and well with families like mine all across the country. Families gather around the Thanksgiving table each year and watch as dad very skillfully removes the U- shaped wishbone. Unlike our forefather’s the tradition is far too exciting to let the wishbone dry out. One family member is usually charged with detailing the rules of the wishbone break to the chosen contestants. The anticipation builds and the breaking of the wishbone contest begins. The declaration of the lucky one is decided by who ends up with the largest part of the bone. The winner is awarded with the anticipation of good luck for the future.
Wouldn’t it be interesting if our future could be shaped by the lucky break of the wish bone? We all know that is not true, but what shapes our future is surrounding ourselves with people that will help guide and assist us in making those hard decisions. Much like the father that carefully carves out the wishbone each year, you as estate planning attorneys, help families carve out and secure your clients financial future and protect their legacy. Legacy Safeguard is proud to be a part of team assisting families in their time of need and insuring their memories and traditions are passed on to future generations. Getting the “lucky break” is finding the right support system that can help secure your family legacy, and we are thankful that we can have some small part in that at Legacy Safeguard.
Bryan W. Adams is President & CEO of Premier Planning, LLC and Founder of Legacy Safeguard. Bryan is considered one of the nations’ leading experts on final expense planning, and he frequently speaks throughout the country about the importance of assisting clients to gain peace of mind through advanced funeral funding.
Bryan’s passion for helping families prepare for their final expenses came from being raised in the funeral business. His family still owns and operates several funeral homes, and he is constantly amazed at how unprepared families are when a death occurs. Bryan has worked tirelessly to help Americans plan for the inevitable and lessen the burden on their loved ones.
Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
6050 Santo Rd., Ste. 240
San Diego, CA 92124
858-453-2128
www.aaepa.com
What’s your true value as an estate planning attorney? If you’re going to be successful, this is something that needs to be crystal clear to you and your staff, and it’s something that you need to be able to communicate in no uncertain terms to your clients and prospective clients. I’ll give you a hint – it’s not the documents you produce.
I’ve been reading about the latest lawsuit against LegalZoom. This one is a class action filed in California by a woman who is the niece and executor of the estate of LegalZoom client Anthony J. Ferrantino. Mr. Ferrantino, in the last months of his life, used LegalZoom to draw up a will and a living trust. It turns out that the trust couldn’t be funded because Mr. Ferrantino’s financial institutions would not accept the LegalZoom documents.
Naturally, upon finding this out, Mr. Ferrantino and his niece, Katherine Webster, asked LegalZoom for help – to no avail. After Mr. Ferrantino passed away with his trust still unfunded, it turned out that his will was also invalid because it had not been properly executed. Ms. Webster’s lawsuit is based on LegalZoom’s alleged deceptive business practices and unlicensed practice of law.
So, the trust documents were flawed. Giving LegalZoom the benefit of the doubt, you could make the valid argument that even attorneys have been known to make mistakes in the drafting of estate planning documents. It’s less likely that a lawyer would let a will go out the door improperly executed. In my mind, though, these aren’t the real issues.
The problem is that when consumers use “services” like LegalZoom, they’re on their own. Even after fatal flaws were found in the trust documents, LegalZoom did nothing to remedy the situation. Would this have happened if someone had been unable to fund a trust that you had created? I sincerely doubt it.
The value that we as estate planning attorneys offer our clients is not just the documents… although well-drafted and effective documents are intrinsically valuable. Instead, the value we offer is our role as knowledgeable and trusted counselors… our relationship with our clients. When clients come to us for an estate plan, we’re not just filling in the blanks on their behalf. We’re listening intently to their stories and their questions, and often reading between the lines, to help them discern their true needs. And we’re there for our clients as issues emerge and their needs evolve.
So, in the end, we’re not even competing in the same market as LegalZoom and other companies of its ilk. We’re not providing a simple commodity – and our clients and prospective clients deserve to know this. How are you and your staff making sure everyone understands the distinction?
Sanford M. Fisch
CEO & Co-Founder
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
6050 Santo Rd., Ste. 240
San Diego, CA 92124
858-453-2128
www.aaepa.com
So often we think that our personalities are fixed, and we’re doomed to live our lives with all of our bad habits and faults. We’re convinced that we and everyone around us had better just make accommodations as to who we are. Because we think this way, we don’t make an effort to change, assuming that a transformation would require years of concentrated effort and a complete personality overhaul.
A few years ago, I read What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, a book by top business coach Marshall Goldsmith. The book was about how small changes in habits and attitudes can transform our relationships with the people around us. In it, Goldsmith lists 20 habits that, when even slightly modified, can completely change our relationships. I think they’re worth repeating:
1. Winning too much. The need to come out on top every single time.
2. Adding too much value. The overwhelming desire to add your two cents to everything
3. Passing judgment. The need to impose your standards on everyone.
4. Making destructive comments. Needless sarcasm and cutting remarks that we think make us sound sharp and witty.
5. Starting with “No,” But,” or “However,” Overuse of negative qualifiers which secretly say to others, “I’m right and you’re wrong.”
6. Telling the world how smart we are.
7. Speaking when angry. Using emotional volatility as a management tool.
8. Negativity. “Let me explain to you why that won’t work.” The need to share negative thoughts even when you weren’t asked.
9. Withholding information. Refusal to share information in order to maintain control over others.
10. Failing to give proper recognition. The inability to praise or reward others.
11. Claiming credit we don’t deserve. The most annoying way to overestimate our contribution to any success.
12. Making excuses. The need to reposition our annoying habits and behaviors so that other people will excuse them.
13. Blaming the past for our present habits and flaws.
14. Playing favorites at the office.
15. Refusing to express regret. The inability to take responsibility for our actions, admit we’re wrong and see how our actions affect others.
16. Not listening.
17. Failing to express gratitude. The most basic form of bad manners.
18. Punishing the messenger.
19. Passing the buck.
20. Excessive need to be “me.” Exalting our faults as virtue simply because they are who we are.
Is there a particular habit that jumps in your way?
Robert Armstrong
President & Co-Founder
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
6050 Santo Rd., Ste. 240
San Diego, CA 92124
858-453-2128
www.aaepa.com
Death is a very real part of life, along with taxes. Yet, funerals are the only life cycle event most folks don’t want to plan in advance.
Despite the fact that humans have a 100 percent mortality rate, we don’t expect to die. If you don’t expect to die, you’re unlikely to preplan a funeral. And that leads to problems like family discord, higher costs, rote rituals devoid of meaning, and unnecessary stress added to grief.
Wedding planning gets way more attention than funeral planning, even though both events can conceivably cost the same, given a modest wedding and a traditional funeral. Yet, if the bride and groom planned their wedding the way most folks plan a funeral, they’d be scrambling to pull everything together in three days—talk about stress!
We are mortal. Our bodies eventually stop working. Many religions teach that the soul, the spirit that resides within our bodies as long as we breathe, lives forever. So, why fear death, and by extension, why fear funeral planning?
To talk about funeral planning, we would have to admit that this joy ride called life has an end. We’d have to look at how we’ve lived our lives, examine how we’ve acted and review what we’ve done with our time on Earth. We’d be forced to look at how we’ve treated others, and think about what others would say about us at our funerals. We’d need to take stock of our achievements and contributions to humanity. Perhaps we are afraid we’ll find ourselves lacking.
There are other reasons. Medical advances have saved so many lives so many times, it seems like death is optional. We don’t like the thought of losing the company of those we love. We avoid thinking or talking about death, perhaps for fear that its contemplation will precipitate the event. And many folks just don’t know what to do anymore when it comes to death.
Robert Fulghum, who wrote All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, also wrote a lovely book called From Beginning to End: The Rituals of Our Lives. Fulghum wrote, “For most of us, once we die, we are no longer in the care of our families and friends — strangers and institutions take over… Death is not in our school curriculum.”
He added, “Instead of a normal part of life, death is treated as an unexpected emergency, something that happens when the medical community fails. We always die ‘of something’ — as though if it weren’t for that disease or accident, we could have lived on. ‘Old age’ or ‘worn out’ or ‘life completed’ are concepts not found on death certificates or in obituaries. Death in our time means crisis.”
In fact, according to one hospice nurse I know, no one has died of old age since the 1950s. That’s when death certificates were changed to require listing a specific medical cause of death, such as a heart attack, dementia, or pneumonia.
We use euphemisms for death: passed on; kicked the bucket; gave up the ghost; checked out; left the building; keeled over; took the Big Bus; caught the last train; bought the farm; paid the ultimate price; pushing up daisies; knocking on the Pearly Gates; taking a dirt nap; and gone to the Great (whatever) in the Sky.
You, me, all humanity, we will all need to be disposed of when we die. If you don’t talk about what you want done with your lifeless body, you will leave your family and friends in a world of hurt if the Big Bus unexpectedly runs you over tomorrow and transports you to the Pearly Gates. Do everybody a favor and make some plans. It’s best to put your two cents in now, while you still can.
Just as talking about sex won’t make you pregnant, talking about funerals won’t make you dead–and your family will benefit from the conversation. Start a conversation today.
Gail Rubin is an event planner who speaks about funerals and memorial services. She gets the conversation going. She’s also the author of The Family Plot Blog (TheFamilyPlot.wordpress.com) and the forthcoming book, A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die (www.AGoodGoodbye.com). Starting on October 30, the 11th annual Create a Great Funeral Day, Rubin will launch the “30 Funerals in 30 Days Challenge,” designed to bring light to a dark subject and help families get end-of-life conversations started.
Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
6050 Santo Rd., Ste. 240
San Diego, CA 92124
858-453-2128
www.aaepa.com
This week my wife’s grandmother passed away and I was reminded how similar weddings and funerals really are. I know this sounds crazy, but these two events have all of the same basic elements.
Weddings and funeral ceremonies are both held in a church, synagogue, or some other type of facility. They both have flowers and decorations, they both typically have music, both have a minister or someone who officiates the service, there’s usually a lot of food at both occasions, and they both have a lot of family travel. In our case, we saw people this week at the funeral that we hadn’t seen since our wedding and we probably won’t see again until another wedding or funeral takes place in our family!
Typically with a wedding you have 6-12 months to prepare. Even though this is a very joyous occasion it can still be very stressful… I know it was for my wife and I! However, with a funeral you usually only have about 6-12 hours to plan. Without proper planning and guidance this can be very difficult on the surviving family when you compound all of the planning that goes into this event especially with the confusion, stress and grief that accompanies the loss of a loved one.
Helping my wife’s family plan this funeral reminded me of all the details that go into planning a funeral. It also reminded me how a well planned funeral ceremony can truly celebrate a life and help them leave a lasting legacy!
I know this is something that none of us want to think about, but it’s going to happen to all of us. With this in mind, we need to be prepared to make it a little easier on our families, and in the case of estate planning attorneys, our clients as well. As I learned this week, this can truly be one of the greatest gifts you can leave your family!
Bryan W. Adams is President & CEO of Premier Planning, LLC and Founder of Legacy Safeguard. Bryan is considered one of the nations’ leading experts on final expense planning, and he frequently speaks throughout the country about the importance of assisting clients to gain peace of mind through advanced funeral funding.
Bryan’s passion for helping families prepare for their final expenses came from being raised in the funeral business. His family still owns and operates several funeral homes, and he is constantly amazed at how unprepared families are when a death occurs. Bryan has worked tirelessly to help Americans plan for the inevitable and lessen the burden on their loved ones.
Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
6050 Santo Road, Suite 240
San Diego, CA 92124
www.aaepa.com
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