This story is so extraordinary that if it didn’t really happen, no one would believe it. It seems life truly is stranger than fiction. The story involves two men, a hearse, a dead rock star, five gallons of gasoline, and a promise.

Remember the influential country rock musician Gram Parsons? He played with Emmylou Harris, The Byrds, The Flying Burrito Brothers, and The International Submarine Band. Parsons died in 1973 in a motel room near Joshua Tree National Monument from a morphine overdose at the age of 26.

The film Grand Theft Parsons (2003) is based on the true story of what happened to Parsons’ body after he died. The movie illustrates certain issues that can be helpful for estate planning attorneys to start conversations with their clients.

Prior to his death, Parsons stated that he wanted his body cremated at Joshua Tree and his ashes spread over Cap Rock, a prominent natural feature there. His road manager, Phil Kaufman, (who also managed Parsons’ drug and alcohol use as best he could) and Parsons had a pact. Whoever died first, the other would take the body to Joshua Tree and “set his spirit free,” that is, set the body on fire.

At the beginning of the film, Kaufman tries to obtain Parson’s body from the small, remote hospital near Joshua Tree. The nurse declines to give Kaufman the body, because he was neither a physician nor a close relative. He tries to steal the body from the hospital, unsuccessfully.

Parsons’ body goes to the Los Angeles International Airport for shipment to New Orleans for burial. Parsons’ stepfather arranged for a private ceremony, neglecting to invite any music industry friends.

In the film, Kaufman hires a hippie with a psychedelic hearse to retrieve the body from the airport and bribes the air cargo office clerk to obtain Parson’s body.

Once at Joshua Tree, Kaufman attempts to cremate Parsons by pouring five gallons of gasoline into the open coffin and throwing a lit cigarette inside – resulting in an enormous fireball. That part of the film stays pretty close to the true story.

The movie adds snarky ex-girlfriend Barbara Mansfield, who tries to cash in on Parson’s money and earthly possessions using a handwritten note on the back of a flyer advertisement. She says it’s his Will, but there is no notarization or anything that would make it official.

The note says: “To whom it may concern: I would like it to be known that it is my wish to leave Barbara Mansfield my assets and belongings in the event of my death. Signed, Gram Parsons.”

Kaufman tells her that’s not a Will. She says it’s a signed promise from Gram to leave her all of his things. Parsons was married to another woman at the time.

Using this note, she tries to obtain Parson’s guitar and music masters from Kaufman. She also tries to get money from the bank. The banker tells her they have rules, the piece of paper is invalid, and they would at least need a death certificate for her to prove that he is actually dead. She unsuccessfully tries to get a death certificate from the county registrar.

Outside of the questionable legality of setting a body on fire in a national monument, Grand Theft Parsons opens the door for attorneys to discuss the following points:

• In most states, a hand-written note does not make an acceptable Will, no matter how hard a desperate girlfriend insists it does. Do you as an estate attorney ever face this kind of situation? This is a chance to let your clients know what actually makes a legal Will valid.
• Hospitals will not release bodies to “close friends,” be they road managers or life partners without power-of-attorney proof. In fact, those who want to do their own home death care for a family member may have a difficult time getting a body released to next-of-kin.
• Bribing an air cargo clerk has got to be breaking some kind of law, but this was set in 1973, way before September 11 security enhancements at airports took effect. Only “Known Shippers” can now handle dead bodies when it comes to air cargo. You can’t just drive a psychedelic hearse up to the air cargo office anymore. Sigh.

By the way, in the true story, police chased Kaufman and his friend after setting the body on fire, but the pair got away. They were arrested several days later. Since there was no law against stealing a dead body, they were only fined $750 for stealing the coffin and were not prosecuted for leaving 35 pounds of Parsons’ charred remains in the desert.

Grand Theft Parsons is a fun film with a few life-and-death lessons sprinkled into the comedy. It can be rented on DVD through Netflix and purchased through Amazon.com. Rated PG-13 for drug references and some language.  

Gail Rubin is the author of the award-winning book, A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die (http://AGoodGoodbye.com), and The Family Plot Blog, http://TheFamilyPlot.wordpress.com. She’s “knocking them dead” with her Funny Films to Start Serious Conversations talks.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

I was recently watching a professional football game where they had a family down on the field honoring them for the service of their son who was serving our country in Afghanistan. As the announcer was describing this impressive young man, he appeared on the field and surprised his family who thought he was still overseas fighting for our country! The joy that they had was contagious and I found myself tearing up at this wonderful reunion.

This also made me think of all of the veterans we serve at Legacy Safeguard that believe since they are veterans that their funeral expenses are completely paid for because they served our country. In fact, many veterans believe that the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) will pay for their funeral expenses.

While the VA does provide burial allowances, they are in fact partial reimbursements of an eligible veteran’s burial and funeral costs. When the cause of death is not service related, the reimbursements are generally described as two payments: (1) a burial and funeral expense allowance, and (2) a plot or interment allowance.

According the VA website, http://www.va.gov, if you are a veteran you may be eligible for VA burial allowance if:

• you paid for a veteran’s burial or funeral, AND

• you have not been reimbursed by another government agency or some other source, such as the deceased veteran’s employer, AND

• the veteran was discharged under conditions other than dishonorable.

In addition, at least one of the following conditions must be met:

• the veteran died because of a service-related disability, OR

• the veteran was receiving VA pension or compensation at the time of death,  OR

• the veteran was entitled to receive VA pension or compensation, but decided not to reduce his/her military retirement or disability pay, OR

• the veteran died while hospitalized by VA, or while receiving care under VA contract at a non-VA facility,  OR

• the veteran died while traveling under proper authorization and at VA expense to or from a specified place for the purpose of examination, treatment, or care, OR

• the veteran had an original or reopened claim pending at the time of death and has been found entitled to compensation or pension from a date prior to the date or death,  OR

• the veteran died on or after October 9, 1996, while a patient at a VA-approved state nursing home.

Now for the big question…How Much Does VA REALLY Pay?

Service-Related Death. VA will pay up to $2,000 toward burial expenses for deaths on or after September 11, 2001. If the veteran is buried in a VA national cemetery, some or all of the cost of transporting the deceased may be reimbursed.

Nonservice-Related Death. VA will pay up to $300 toward burial and funeral expenses and a $300 plot-interment allowance for deaths on or after December 1, 2001. If the death happened while the veteran was in a VA hospital or under VA contracted nursing home care, some or all of the costs for transporting the veteran’s remains may be reimbursed.

While these are good benefits, they won’t usually cover the cost of a funeral. Many veterans are disappointed when they learn that the government doesn’t pay more for their funeral expenses. This false sense of security can lead to a lot of stress for families when a veteran passes away. This is why proper final expense planning is so important for all of our clients. Therefore, be sure to educate your veteran clients about the reality of the benefits that they are entitled to, so this doesn’t happen to them.

Funding a Funeral Trust and enrolling your veteran clients in Legacy Safeguard is another service you can provide not only for the veteran, but for their family. This will not only ensure their family is not left with the burden of having to pass the hat to pay for their funeral, but gives them a powerful venue through the Legacy Safeguard to detail the memories they want to pass down to their loved ones. Legacy Safeguard can also assist the family as they plan to honor their veteran when the need arises. We will be proud to stand by you and assist you as you support those who have done so much to preserve the freedom of our great nation.

Bryan W. Adams is President & CEO of Premier Planning, LLC and Founder of Legacy Safeguard. Bryan is considered one of the nations’ leading experts on final expense planning, and he frequently speaks throughout the country about the importance of assisting clients to gain peace of mind through advanced funeral funding.

Bryan’s passion for helping families prepare for their final expenses came from being raised in the funeral business. His family still owns and operates several funeral homes, and he is constantly amazed at how unprepared families are when a death occurs. Bryan has worked tirelessly to help Americans plan for the inevitable and lessen the burden on their loved ones.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death. After 30 funerals in 30 days, to quote The Grateful Dead, what a long, strange trip it’s been.

No, my circle of family and friends has not been decimated. I did not personally know any of these people, but met them through the local obituaries. I documented their goodbye services on The Family Plot Blog as the 30 Funerals in 30 Days Challenge.

As the self-proclaimed “Doyenne of Death,” I undertook this challenge for three reasons:

1. To illustrate the many creative ways people celebrate the lives of those they love,
2. To help reduce a fear of talking about death – something that will happen to all of us, and
3. To show that funerals are a life cycle event much like a wedding, best planned more than a few days in advance.

I have witnessed such a wide range of events, both religious and non-religious.

Early on, there was Howard Strunk’s memorial luncheon at a bowling alley bar. Josie the bartender put it together because Howard’s wife didn’t want to have a funeral for him. Memorial services are for community, not just for the family.

Sam Baxter’s celebration at Balloon Fiesta Park took the cake for Memorial Service of the Month. He brought the Adams family of balloons to New Mexico in the 1980s. As his first two Adams balloons stood tethered, the several hundred assembled let fly a raft of multi-colored helium balloons. Then more than two-dozen hot air balloons took flight on a perfect day for flying, followed by a tailgate party of grand proportions.

Erika Langholf’s celebration of life was exactly that. The event at a funeral home chapel combined laughter and tears, with many stories told by family and friends. She was born in 1958, and the music reflected the era in which she came of age, including Queen, Rod Stewart, Journey, and, reflective of Erika’s keen sense of humor, “Spirit in the Sky” by Norman Greenbaum.

Even within the confines of an established ritual, funerals can be personalized.

Lonnie Chavez’s funeral at Our Lady of Sorrows Catholic Church followed the form for a funeral Mass. However, as soon as I walked into the church, I could tell Lonnie was a Dallas Cowboys fan. From the blue casket with the team logo and blue and white flower arrangements, to both the deceased and the pallbearers in Cowboys football jerseys, what a way to ride off into the sunset.

Here are a few statistics from the 30 Funerals in 30 Days Challenge:

• The oldest person memorialized was a 90-year-old; the youngest was a 25-year-old.

• Sixteen of the deaths could be considered expected (long-term illness or advanced age) and 14 were unexpected (heart attack, stroke, accident, or medical mishap).

• Of all the event locations, 11 were at a funeral home, six were at houses of worship, five were in cemeteries, and eight were held in other settings, including at a private residence, at the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta Park, in a Japanese garden, at an open space picnic area, and at the German American Club.

• Thirteen of the events (nearly half) were creative celebrations of life with little or no religious references, or some spiritual readings but not a religious service.

Of the 30 events, almost half of these deaths were unexpected. Since we never know when our number will be up, it’s vital to have a conversation today about how you’d like your life to be celebrated. Time may be shorter than we may think.

Gail Rubin is a Certified Celebrant who brings light to a dark subject and helps get funeral planning conversations started. Her award-winning book, A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die (Light Tree Press), was ForeWord Reviews’ Book of the Year Award finalist in the Family & Relationships category. The book is available in print and ebook formats at Amazon.com, Barnes&Noble.com, and at AGoodGoodbye.com.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

Making decisions about medical care can be a daunting proposition – we know this from our own experiences. Start with the sophistication of diagnoses, add the complexity of medical procedures, and top it off with a menu of treatment options. Deciding what to do can be a recipe for anxiety, paralysis and/or self-doubt – even among those who are highly informed.

A new book takes on the task of helping people make the medical choices that are right for them. Your Medical Mind, by Drs. Jerome Groopman and Pamela Hartzband, begins with a fundamental assumption: there is often more than one correct decision for patients. It then tackles how patients can go about determining what care they want. In addition to coaching readers to gather the factual information about their options, the authors help people understand how their personal values – their goals, dislikes, and fears – can inform what medical decision is best for them.

Your Medical Mind helps people understand how they view medicine and medical treatment, whether  as doubters (who tend to worry about the side effects or risks of treatment) or believers (who are convinced that the treatments or approaches will work and prefer to “do something”) or as a blend  between these two extremes. They also suggest that patients look at the effect that the options will have on their lives and why these either matter or don’t matter to them.

Understanding and recognizing this can help patients make choices they are more comfortable with, and it can help doctors guide these patients to choices that are better suited for their beliefs and values. For instance, one patient didn’t want surgical thyroid removal for Grave’s disease because he didn’t want to be forced to take a pill every day. Another preferred the surgery because he wanted to “just get it over with” and move on with his life.

The significance of this book’s approach to decision-making is amplified when clients are faced with serious or end-of-life decisions about care. This is exactly the role that advance directives try to play. And it is also, I would argue, exactly the kind of conversation that’s particularly important for patients and health care surrogates to have. It is important for clients’ health care agent(s) to know, fundamentally, what the clients’ goals are when facing an end-of-life or other serious condition. And this includes even going that next step further – WHY is that the goal? Or WHAT does the person like or not like about that option? This will help clients communicate to their agent what’s really important to them. Is the goal to live without pain? To be able to tell jokes and watch Sunday afternoon football regardless of one’s physical abilities or limitations? To be able to take a Sunday afternoon stroll, even if one’s memory is lacking?

This book, and others like it that attempt to help clients dig below the surface level of their decision-making, may be useful tools for clients and their loved ones. It may be especially helpful to clients and their agents in talking about some of the big end-of-life treatment questions. Having additional language and another way to frame the conversation can only help.

Please let me know if you recommend any tools or resources that help clients and their surrogates improve their communication, complete more informed advance directives, or make better medical decisions. I am interested in learning from your experiences.

Randi J. Siegel, MBA, is the President of DocuBank (docubank.com), the largest advance directive registry in the U.S., which ensures that the healthcare directives of its 190,000 enrollees are immediately available 24/7/365. Working with estate planning professionals since 1997, Randi frequently speaks at national estate planning conferences and has appeared on radio and television as an authority on registries. She is active in health policy pertaining to advance directives and serves as a Senior Fellow at the Jefferson School of Population Health in Philadelphia. Randi is an ongoing contributor to the Academy blog.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

On Halloween, October 31, we celebrate ghosts and scary things. The spirits of the deceased are remembered on November 1 and 2, All Saints Day and All Souls Day, respectively, also known as the Day of the Dead celebration.

Yet, you might not know this October 30 is the 12^th annual Create a Great Funeral Day. Before Halloween ghosts and Day of the Dead spirits can go a-haunting, there’s usually a funeral or memorial service – the party no one wants to plan.

Confronting the idea of our own death causes uncomfortable thoughts. Rather than facing the inevitability of our dying, our culture denies death. Yet at the same time, we have this enormous celebration of scary and death-related things at Halloween.

The idea behind Create a Great Funeral Day is to consider how you would like to be remembered. By letting loved ones know how you’d like your life celebrated, the survivors’ experience can be so much easier.

Create a Great Funeral Day began in 2000, started by Stephanie West Allen. She saw her husband struggling to pull together a meaningful funeral for his mother, who had left no directions before she died. Observing his grief, Allen felt that knowing what her mother-in-law might have wanted would have eased the pain of memorial service preparations.

Why do people hesitate to discuss funeral planning, let alone do anything concrete about it in advance?

Social psychologists cite the Terror Management Theory, that all human behavior is ultimately motivated by the fear of death. Death creates anxiety, not only because it can strike at unexpected and random moments, but because its nature is essentially unknowable.

The awareness of our own eventual death, called “mortality salience,” affects our decision-making in the face of this terror. Many people decide to avoid the topic.

Create a Great Funeral Day prompts us to be mindful of our mortality. This self-awareness enables us to plan reflectively in advance, so we don’t leave our families to react, disorganized and stressed, after our death.

Blue Öyster Cult’s 1976 hit song, “Don’t Fear the Reaper,” is a perennial favorite on classic rock stations. Its intended message is that love transcends the actual physical existence of the partners. The Reaper refers to the Grim Reaper, a traditional personification of death in European folklore.

A fear of funeral planning equates to fear of death. Those who hold fear in one area of their lives often have fear in other areas. It won’t kill you to move away from the fear of funerals.

Act with love, plan ahead, and talk about what you might want. Your courage will help your family reduce stress at a time of grief, save money, and create a meaningful, memorable “good goodbye.”

On Create a Great Funeral Day, don’t fear the Reaper.

Gail Rubin is a Certified Celebrant and author of A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die. Follow her “30 Funerals in 30 Days Challenge” during the month of October at http://thefamilyplot.wordpress.com/category/30-day-challenge/

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
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Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

Former American Idol judge and The X Factor creator Simon Cowell. Famed baseball slugger Ted Williams. Bredo Morstoel. Robert Ettinger. What do these four men have in common? And who are Morstoel and Ettinger?

They all have been, or intend to be, put into a cryogenic deep freeze after death. Their hope: when medical science comes up with a cure for whatever ailed them, they can be revived, cured, and restored to life.

Given that this might happen hundreds of years in the future, if at all, the question is – how will their estates pay for this? You think modern medicine is expensive now, wait until 2311!

Cryogenics is a wild and woolly world. It’s a challenge for the estate planning attorneys of today and could be an issue for decades to come.

Robert C.W. Ettinger conceived cryonics and popularized the idea in a 1963 book, “The Prospect of Immortality.” Ettinger died on July 23, 2011, at the age of 92. Mr. Ettinger’s body was promptly placed in a cryonic capsule and frozen at minus 371 degrees Fahrenheit, after several days of graduated cooling.

Ettinger was a physics instructor and science fiction writer. His idea of freezing the dead for future reanimation repelled most scientists. Still, he persuaded at least 105 people to pay $28,000 each to have their bodies preserved in liquid nitrogen at his Cryonics Institute in suburban Detroit. His mother, Rhea, who died in 1977 at 78, was his first patient. No word in Ettinger’s obituary on how his family will continue to pay for the service in the future.

Before Simon Cowell indicated he’d like to be frozen, baseball legend Ted Williams, whose freezing at an unrelated Arizona facility in 2002 set off a well-publicized family feud, was probably the most notable cryonics adherent.

But even before these two famous cryonics fans, there was Trygve Bauge, grandson of Bredo Morstoel from Norway. We have Grandpa Bredo and Trygve to thank for the annual Frozen Dead Guy Days festival in Nederland, Colorado.

After Grandpa’s death due to a heart condition in 1989, Trygve had him packed in dry ice and shipped to a U.S. cryonics facility. In 1993, Trygve, hoping to start his own cryonics service, moved Grandpa to his concrete bunker home in Nederland, a tiny town 17 miles west of Boulder.

The story then takes a number of interesting turns. Trygve was deported back to Norway in 1995 due to visa issues. Long story short – Grandpa Bredo has been kept in a Tuff Shed-sheltered, dry ice-fueled deep freeze in Nederland ever since. The family sends money monthly to keep the dry ice stocked.

But how long will the family keep sending money? Grandpa Bredo has been on ice for 21 years. As far as anyone can tell, there is no family trust in place to keep “The Ice Man” coming with the monthly 1,600 pounds of dry ice that keeps Grandpa at a steady (and cryogenically inadequate) minus 60 degrees Fahrenheit. (Kids, don’t try this at home!)

At this point, the money from the annual festival benefits the town, not the family. This year, the Nederland Chamber of Commerce put the festival, now going into its 11^th year, up for sale to a professional festival organization.

I’m sure the family and the Chamber of Commerce would appreciate any free advice as to how to keep the cold hard cash coming.

Gail Rubin, Certified Celebrant, is author of A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die and The Family Plot Blog (http://TheFamilyPlot.wordpress.com). She debuted The Newly-Dead Gameä at the 2011 Frozen Dead Guy Days festival in Nederland. The game is a fun, upbeat way to get the funeral planning conversation started: http://agoodgoodbye.com/newly-dead-game.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

The International Cemetery, Cremation and Funeral Association recently held their summer university. I attended the ICCFA University College of 21^st Century Funeral Services and came away with a new perspective on how funerals are changing.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a psychologist trained in life transitions who spoke there, said, “More and more people in North America are asking ‘Why have a funeral?’”

People are saying, “When I die, just get rid of me no muss, no fuss. Maybe have a party, but I sure don’t want a funeral.” “Dad said he didn’t want us to go to any trouble, so we are just going to do what he said.” “We just thought it would be easier, faster, and cheaper.”

Wolfelt said that efficiency should not be confused with effectiveness. He said, “We’ve gone from funerals to memorial services to celebrations to parties. In the process, we have lost the connection to grief and emotion.”

People are losing sight of the value of holding some kind of ritual service, a safe place to grieve and mourn. Very often, the people who don’t recognize a death with a funeral or memorial service are in a psychologist’s office six months later with problems related to unexpressed emotions.

We in the U.S. have become an increasingly “mourning-avoidant” culture, where people tend to want to avoid sadness. At a meaningful funeral, people laugh one moment and cry the next as they share stories that cause laughter as well as tears. This experience of “paradoxical emotions” results in what Wolfelt calls the “sweet spot of emotional experience.”

Traditional clergy doing cookie-cutter funerals with little relevance to the deceased or their family have also contributed to the decline of funerals. Wolfelt and Doug Manning, founder of the In-Sight Institute (which certifies nondenominational “Funeral Celebrants”), both noted the declining number of Americans who attend church and the growing number of interfaith families.

The 2010 American Religious Identification Survey estimated that approximately 15% of the American population do not attend religious services or consider themselves church affiliated. If you grouped all the identified “nones” into a state, it would be the second largest state in the union, right behind California and before Texas.

In our highly mobile society with fewer ties to church or a specific religion, there is a growing corps of Funeral Celebrants who can offer families a personalized and individualized funeral or memorial service experience.

A Funeral Celebrant is trained in the specific area of conducting funerals and memorial services for families who are not affiliated with a religion or theology. Celebrants can assist a family with no clergyperson, as well as those uncomfortable with traditional religious funerals, on whom to call when there’s a death.

The use of Certified Celebrants originated in New Zealand and Australia, where 80% of the population chooses cremation and many people do not attend a church. Civil Celebrants, who are licensed by the government, perform over 50% of the funerals and weddings in those countries.

Doug Manning brought the idea of Certified Funeral Celebrants to North America in 1999 when he founded the In-Sight Institute. In-Sight has certified more than 1,600 Celebrants across the U.S. and internationally.

Another 36 Certified Celebrants graduated at the end of this ICCFA University. I’m proud to be one of them.

Gail Rubin, Certified Celebrant, is author of A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die and The Family Plot Blog (http://TheFamilyPlot.wordpress.com). She provides the information, inspiration and tools to pre-plan thoughtful and meaningful funerals or memorial services. Her website is http://AGoodGoodbye.com.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue Suite 300
San Diego, CA 92123
858-453-2128
www.aaepa.com

The quote, “Dying is easy. Comedy is hard,” has been attributed to actors throughout centuries. Comedy can help make the hard topic of death, funerals, and estate planning easier to discuss.

Lately, I’ve been screening a number of comedy films with scenes related to funerals or death. As I speak to groups on getting the funeral planning conversation started, I’ve started using clips from funny films and television programs to great effect. (I do have a license to do this, addressing that threat of a $250,000 fine and five years in prison you see in the FBI warning at the beginning of every home DVD.)

The Six Wives of Henry Lefay, a comedy released in 2009, could be a great tool for estate planning attorneys to help their clients get serious about their wills, trusts and other estate planning issues.

Audio-video salesman Henry Lefay (Tim Allen) disappears while parasailing in Mexico and is presumed dead. His daughter Barbie (Elisha Cuthbert) returns to her Upstate New York hometown for the funeral. Tensions mount into comedic explosions when Henry’s current wife, his five exes, and a mistress wage a fierce power struggle over the final arrangements.

Wife #1 is Kate (Andie MacDowell), Barbie’s mother. Wife #2 and #4 is Ophelia, an intensely passionate, if somewhat crazy, woman who Henry continues to “date” on a regular basis. Wife #3, Veronica, owns half of Henry’s successful business. Wife #5, Autumn, who’s Barbie’s age, thinks she’s in charge and will inherit everything since she’s the current wife.

None of them knows there was yet another wife before Kate, and the mistress Henry was with in Mexico expects to become wife #7. Things really get crazy after the body is returned to the U.S.

Wives #2 through #5 each have handwritten letters from Henry with different funeral arrangements. Veronica has side-by-side plots in Pleasant Meadows cemetery. Autumn has side-by-side plots in Shady Glen cemetery. And Ophelia has a letter saying he wants to be cremated and his ashes scattered in the ocean off a catamaran near the Bahamas.

Now, your clients probably don’t have as complicated a love life as Henry Lefay’s. You know issues of inheritance, business succession, trusts, funeral plans, and pre-nup agreements, especially after divorce(s) and remarriage(s) require detailed diligence and regular updating.

However, your clients might be like Henry Lefay in that they probably won’t sit still long enough to absorb much heavy information. You might consider investing in a copy of this DVD and loan it to your clients as a light-hearted lesson in the serious business of wills, trusts and estate planning.

Gail Rubin is the author of A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die (http://AGoodGoodbye.com), a finalist in the 2010 Book of the Year Awards, Family & Relationships Category, and The Family Plot Blog, http://TheFamilyPlot.wordpress.com. She’s “knocking them dead” with her Funny Films to Start Serious Conversations talks.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
6050 Santo Rd Ste 240
San Diego, CA 92124
858-453-2128
www.aaepa.com

Last month, I wrote about how the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services has begun enforcing HIPAA by imposing large financial penalties against healthcare providers for HIPAA violations. (In the first case, a healthcare provider received a $4.3 million civil penalty for failing to provide timely personal health information to patients upon their request; in the other, a different provider agreed to a $1 million settlement for disclosing patients’ personal health information without their approval.)

What will be the fall-out for you and your clients from this new enforcement? If healthcare entities intensify their efforts to avoid HIPAA financial penalties, we may see a few things happen:

• Patients themselves may have an easier time gaining access to their own medical information. And some may even get it more quickly. At the same time;

• Patients’ family members — and others whom the patient wants to have access — may have a harder time getting the patients’ information.

What does this mean for your clients’ legal needs?

1. Clients need a Health Care Power of Attorney (HCPOA) more than ever. This document may increasingly do double-duty. In addition to its primary function, the HCPOA also serves as a de facto HIPAA Release, even if you haven’t specified this in the document. The HIPAA law expressly authorizes the health care agent to receive the patient’s personal health information (called “PHI” under HIPAA).
2. Clients may increasingly need a separate HIPAA Release designating individual(s) — in addition to the health care agent — who can receive their medical information. Why? Clients often rely on someone other than their health care agent to help them navigate the healthcare system. This might be another family member, a friend, or a neighbor. Healthcare providers may be increasingly apt to request written authorization from the patient to deal with any of these folks on your client’s behalf. (If you are getting feedback to this effect from your clients, please let me know.)
   
   Alternatively, some firms are addressing this need within their HCPOA document itself, rather than drafting a separate HIPAA Release. They are creating a section in the HCPOA naming additional individuals to receive PHI under HIPAA, but who are not authorized as health care agents. (I’d like to report back on the trend in how attorneys are handling this. Please share your approach with me at rsiegel@docubank.com.)

The stricter HIPAA enforcement may also create heightened challenges particular to college students and other young adults. More on this in another post.

Randi J. Siegel, MBA, is the President of DocuBank, the largest advance directives registry in the U.S., which ensures that the healthcare directives of its 190,000 enrollees are immediately available 24/7/365. Working with estate planning professionals since 1997, Randi frequently speaks at national estate planning conferences and has appeared on radio and television as an authority on registries. She is active in health policy pertaining to advance directives and serves as a Senior Fellow at the Jefferson School of Population Health in Philadelphia. Randi is an ongoing contributor to the Academy blog.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
6050 Santo Rd Ste 240
San Diego, CA 92124
858-453-2128
www.aaepa.com

“Don’t have a funeral for me when I’m gone.” People say this, not realizing while the memorial service is about them, it’s not really for them. Funerals are for those still living who grieve the loss of someone they love.

Funeral and memorial service rituals help recognize this transition, socially acknowledge the death, and help start processing grief to move toward healing.

Dr. William G. Hoy, a grief counselor and death educator, explained, “Very often — with those who don’t stop and ritualize the death — six months later, these families are in my office, having a harder time with grieving and healing.”

Dr. Hoy and other counselors believe every good funeral includes these four R’s: Recognize Reality, Remember, Reaffirm, and Release. Use these as a guide towards a “good goodbye.”

Recognize Reality
The bereavement process starts with the recognition and realization that someone has died. To come to terms with the reality of death, someone has to stand up and say, “Yes, so-and-so has died,” or if you prefer, “passed on.” The reading of an obituary written and published about the deceased often serves this role at a funeral.

Remember
Funerals or memorial services provide an opportunity to remember and share stories about the person. Eulogies by clergy, family members, and/or friends provide insights into the person’s character and family history. Remembrances can also be sparked by tabletop displays of items related to the person.

Reaffirm
An important part of funerals is to reaffirm beliefs, whatever they may be. If you believe your loved one has gone to a better place, say so. If you believe you will be reunited with him or her when you leave this world, say so. If you believe love is a valuable thing, just say so.

Release
Releasing the spirit of the deceased gives the living permission to move on, prompting healing tears and goodbyes. A simple release statement can be, “We now commit the body of (name) to the earth (or sea, fire, or wind) and let his/her spirit go free.”

Psychologists cite a number of reasons for holding funeral rituals. They make the dead “safely dead,” dispatched with proper ceremony to rest in peace. They confirm the deceased and their survivors matter, and that the community will continue. They provide structure in the midst of chaos and disorder, and ensure communal support for survivors during a stressful time.

I’d like to add a fifth R: No Regrets.

Let’s live our lives to the fullest every day. See and hear the beauty in nature. Take time to thank a loved one and tell them how much they mean to you. Share a hug. Enjoy good food and drink. And, of course, stop to smell the roses and admire all flowers.

Live life so that when it’s time to say goodbye, you can die with no regrets. And let your loved ones know it’s okay to have a funeral – they’ll bless you for it.

Gail Rubin is the author of A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die (http://AGoodGoodbye.com) and The Family Plot Blog (http://TheFamilyPlot.wordpress.com). A Good Goodbye is a finalist for the 2010 Book of the Year Award in the Family and Relationships category.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
6050 Santo Rd Ste 240
San Diego, CA 92124
858-453-2128
www.aaepa.com