The vast majority of us – even we estate planning attorneys, who spend our working lives helping people plan and prepare for death – live like we’re invincible. We get distracted by all the little details of life, and it’s hard to stay focused on the things that really matter.

That’s why, every once in a while, it’s good to have a reminder of what’s really important. This week, my reminder came when a friend e-mailed me a link to an article entitled Top Five Regrets of the Dying. The article profiles a book written by Bronnie Ware, a former palliative care nurse.

In her book, Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing, Ware talks about the observations she made as she worked with people in the final weeks of their lives. She says that when her patients talked about their regrets, a number of common themes surfaced again and again:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

The entire article is well worth reading for the additional insights it gives into each of these common regrets.

If you were on your deathbed right now, what would your regrets be? What changes can you make today to ensure that when the time comes, you’re not left wishing for  a second chance to do all the truly important things you neglected?

Robert Armstrong
President and Co-Founder
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

Great news for Academy members!

The Academy has partnered with LawInfo.com, a website dedicated to providing the public with access to quality free legal information and if necessary, qualified representation. LawInfo’s compliment of legal websites receive over one million page views per month.

Even more significantly, LawInfo maintains a directory of pre-qualified, Lead Counsel Rated attorneys practicing in a variety of areas of the law. As of March 21, Academy attorneys are included in this directory, making it even easier for prospective clients to find you.

Visitors who come to LawInfo.com and perform an estate planning attorney search in your area will find your listing prominently displayed in LawInfo’s “Featured Listings.” Your listing includes your name as well as your firm’s profile and contact information – including a link to your website.

In addition, because of the Academy’s background check and your 36-hour CLE requirement, you’ll be listed as a “Lead Counsel Rated” attorney, which means prospective clients will be assured of your:

• Experience and practice area qualifications
• Good standing and spotless record
• Position of respect among your peers
• Continuing adherence to LawInfo’s – and the Academy’s – rigorous standards

If you’re not familiar with LawInfo, head over and check out their website.

And let us know if you start to see an influx of calls from LawInfo.com users. We hope this strategic partnership will prove to be a valuable marketing asset for you!

Jennifer Price
Director, Member Services, Marketing & Recruiting
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

You probably have one or two friends that count “boomerang children” as members of their households. You might even have a boomerang child living with you. And you almost certainly have clients with boomerang children.

If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, “boomerang child” is the nickname for a young adult who has moved out, lived independently for a while, and then returned to live with his or her parents.

So many young adults have begun following this pattern that last December, the Pew Research Center conducted a survey, uncovering some interesting statistics about the “boomerang generation.”

According to the survey:

• 29% of parents of adult children report that one of their children has moved back in with them in recent years because of economic conditions.

• Regardless of whether they live with their parents, 63% of 18- to 34-year-olds say they know someone who has moved back home in the past few years.

• Parental income doesn’t seem to matter. Parents with an annual income of more than $100,000 and parents with an annual income of less than $30,000 are equally likely to have an adult child return home.

• Families don’t necessarily see the phenomenon as a bad thing. Parents of boomerang children report that they are “just as satisfied with their family life and housing situation” as are those parents whose adult children continue to live independently.

From a purely financial perspective, having a boomerang child may be a plus, especially as parents age.

If the child pays rent (which, according to the survey, 48% report that they have done), that money would be treated as income to the parents. But, what if the child helps out with household expenses, by splitting the cost of household utilities and groceries? The contributions could help defer the parents’ costs, without being treated as income. Interestingly, 89% of those responding to the survey reported that they helped out with household expenses, rather than paying rent.

From an estate planning perspective, it’s important to keep a pulse on your clients’ family dynamics. For instance, if there are likely to be boomerang children in the picture, you’ll want to make sure your clients’ documents specify that the trustee can allow those children to continue to reside in the family home, even though they aren’t minors or “dependents.”

How many of your clients have boomerang children? What planning issues have you run into as a result?

Stephen C. Hartnett, J.D., LL.M.
Associate Director of Education
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

As all of you are, I’m on Facebook as well. A friend I grew up with lost her 17 year old daughter in a car accident 6 years ago. She has a “In Memory Of” Facebook page for friends and family to post photos or thoughts to. The past couple of years, only she posts. Recently the post read:

“I lost your pen Sunday. It was horrible. I have carried it with me every day since they handed it to me at the police station. I looked and looked. It was like losing a bit of you all over again. The next day, between the washer and the dryer, I found it. It just never ends. I miss you all the time. Mom”

I am not an estate planning attorney like most of our subscribers, I have consulted with hundreds of you over the past 20 years or so, and one thing that I have just never quite gained a clear understanding on is this: I have no idea how you master the art of sitting across the table from a grieving client and doing all the things they need for you to do as a professional without losing your empathy.

Looking at the huge number of responsibilities that estate planning attorneys running a law practice have to be an expert on—this seems to me like one of the most difficult parts. Is that true? Do you have words of wisdom you could share with others on the subject of being comforting, listening fully, having professional “distance” enough to get the job done without getting lost in the process?

Jennifer Price
Director, Member Services
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

Facebook and other social networking sites are becoming an indispensible part of modern life. As the world shrinks and family members, friends, and business associates find themselves scattered around the country – or the globe – sites like Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter are quickly becoming a communication method of choice.

Even attorneys who have yet to jump on the social media bandwagon have growing numbers of clients who are already on board, and it’s no surprise. These social networks allow users to find and communicate quickly with a massive network of friends and associates. They let people build business networks without leaving the office, and share photos, video, and personal updates with family and friends.

But what happens to a client’s Facebook or Twitter account – or their email account, for that matter – when they die? These accounts fall into the category of digital assets, and unless a client has made express plans for these accounts, they can be left in limbo.

Access to a client’s social media accounts is subject to the Terms of Service (TOS) agreement of the sites in question, and many TOS agreements do not allow a decedent’s personal representative to gain access to an account automatically. So if no one but your client knows the relevant usernames and passwords, there’s no way for their survivors to access these accounts for purposes of terminating them – or carrying out whatever wishes the client may have for them.

• Facebook and other social networking accounts
• Blogging accounts
• Messaging (SMS) accounts
• Email accounts

Under the Nebraska bill, the personal representative would have the authority to take control of the decedent’s accounts and either continue or terminate them, unless the decedent’s estate plan provided otherwise.

As things stand now, Facebook has created “memorialized” profiles for its deceased members, changing the privacy settings of accounts when it receives notification that a member has died. Once an account has been memorialized, family members and friends can continue to leave posts, but the member’s contact information is removed and only confirmed friends can see the profile.

That’s not the same thing as removing an account, and not much comfort for those who are left without access to their loved ones’ e-mail accounts, blogs, and other important digital assets.

So, what should you be doing for your clients now, as we wait for the law to catch up with technology? You can help them understand how important their digital assets are, and help them incorporate those assets into their estate plans. In my next blog, I’ll give you some simple tips for how to help your clients start thinking about estate planning for digital assets.

Stephen C. Hartnett, J.D., LL.M.
Associate Director of Education
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

What books do you suggest to your clients when it comes to end-of-life and funeral planning issues? I’ve got a bunch of great resources on my bookshelf. Here are a few recommendations for your consideration, with direct links to Amazon:

Jane Brody, weekly personal health columnist for The New York Times, has written prolifically on living a healthy lifestyle. As she so practically notes in the preface to her book, “…even the healthiest of lives eventually must come to an end. In this book I hope to help my readers make that end – for themselves and for those they love – as peaceful and, yes, as enjoyable as it can be.”

The full title pretty much says it all: Jane Brody’s Guide to the Great Beyond: A Practical Primer to Help You and Your Loved Ones Prepare Medically, Legally, and Emotionally for the End of Life. This book is a wonderful resource that covers many planning areas in a warm, thoughtful tone. Throughout, Brody provides great insights on advance directives, funeral planning, care giving, hospice and palliative care, spiritual care, organ and body donations, and so much more. (hardback and Kindle)

The Party of Your Life: Get the Funeral You Want by Planning It Yourself by Erika Dillman is a relentlessly upbeat guide to making your send-off a memorable celebration. The book provides guidance on details for the funeral of the future: a major party! She encourages individuals to write down all the desired elements, from themes and settings to music and readings. With snappy chapter titles and helpful how-to tips, Dillman encourages establishing a funeral box, an official funeral website, and a posse to carry out your funeral plans. (paperback)

GRAVE reflections by funeral directors Gloria and Louis Salazar provides well-grounded information about funeral planning, burial versus cremation, legal issues surrounding death, prearrangement and insurance, and more. In a nice finishing touch, both authors wrote their own obituaries and funeral plans. (Kindle, paperback through www.GraveReflections.com)

Last but not least, there’s my book, A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die. It covers the gamut with a light touch, from death’s door to “what if” questions. Steve Hartnett, AAEPA ‘s Associate Director of Education, is featured answering questions on how to ensure arrangements are carried out, pet trusts, and what happens when a person dies without a will or trust. (paperback and ebook)

Look for other titles related to care for ailing loved ones in my next post.

Gail Rubin is a Certified Celebrant who brings light to a dark subject and helps get funeral planning conversations started. Her book, A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die, has won multiple awards. Gail is an ongoing contributor to the Academy blog. Contact her at 505-265-7215 or email Gail@AGoodGoodbye.com.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

Think social media sites like Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube are just vehicles for teenagers and college kids to share gossip and post videos of their latest reckless stunts? Think again.

Even though it’s still in its infancy, social media is proving to be a powerful tool in the adult world. The Arab Spring uprisings were fueled by Twitter and YouTube. Closer to home, social media is affecting the legislative process, not to mention the way businesses relate to their customers.

If you’re not making full use of social media in your practice, you could be alienating your clients and your community. Here are three social media myths you might have bought into, along with the truth you need to know.

1. My Clients Don’t Use Social Media. The truth is, more than half of all social media users are over age 30, and many are significantly older. The Pew Research Center’s Internet & American Life Project found that, between 2009 and 2010, social media usage by 55- to 65-year-olds increased by 88 percent. And usage among adults over age 65 doubled. Your clients and prospective clients do use social media, and more of them are logging on every day.
2. Social Media is Unprofessional, Not to Mention a Waste of Time. No social media site, in and of itself, is inherently professional or unprofessional. Social media is simply a means of communication. It’s what you and your staff do with a Facebook page, a Twitter account, or a LinkedIn profile that can make it a valuable tool for showcasing your firm’s professionalism, unique personality, and value to the community. And while you may view social media as kids’ stuff, your clients likely do not. The tide is turning, and people are beginning to look online to verify the legitimacy of the businesses they deal with. Before long, the lackof an online presence might make you appear unprofessional to a prospective client.
3. What’s the Point? Keeping Up With the Options is Too Hard, Anyway. If you try to maintain a presence on every new site that crops up, you’ll spread yourself too thin and fail to accomplish anything. The point is not to jump on every new social media fad the moment it comes out. There are a few tried and true sites. I’ve already mentioned them.

Establish a presence there, and start building relationships with your current clients, as well as with prospective clients. This means offering useful, meaningful content and soliciting feedback. In other words, have a conversation. Your online presence can’t be static or stagnant.

That’s the point of social media – building relationships.

Robert Armstrong
President and Co-Founder
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

You go to great lengths to educate your clients about their revocable living trusts. You make sure they understand that the probate-avoidance benefits of a living trust only extend to property that’s been transferred to a trust, and you work with them in ensuring their trusts are appropriately funded.  It’s common for you to counsel your clients on transferring assets like:

• Cash Accounts
• Mutual Funds
• Brokerage Accounts
• Real Estate
• Assorted Tangible Personal Property

But do you regularly counsel your clients to transfer their safe deposit boxes to their trusts? If not, you should.

Renting a safe deposit box is a simple and quick transaction. You go to the bank, fill out a form, and pay a small fee. Clients rent safe deposit boxes all the time, using them to store cash, jewelry, and other valuable personal property. But few understand that the manner in which they fill out the rental agreement can have lasting implications.

Here are three options you should discuss with your clients:

Option One: Rent as an Individual                                                       
Imagine your client has a safe deposit box containing thousands of dollars worth of cash and jewelry. She holds the safe deposit box as an individual, separate from her living trust. What happens when she dies? The bank will seal the box, allowing access only to a court-appointed executor. This means added time and expense for her family. If she doesn’t have an up-to-date pourover will, it can also mean that her assets end up being distributed in a disjointed manner that does not reflect her final wishes.

Option Two: Add a Joint Holder
Your client might be tempted to simply add a child or another loved one as a joint safe deposit box holder. Depending on the laws of your state, this approach might eliminate the probate issue. However, it can also give rise to unintended consequences. If the joint holder had unfettered access to the contents of the safe deposit box at your client’s death, he or she could abscond with the assets. Not only could this potentially derail your client’s estate plan, it could also increase the likelihood of estate litigation.

Option Three: Transfer to Living Trust
When your client transfers her safe deposit box to her living trust prior to her death, she strikes the right balance between protection of her assets and ease of administration. Her successor trustee can access the box and its contents with no need for probate. At the same time, the trustee is under a fiduciary duty to follow the terms of the trust in managing and distributing your client’s assets, including those in the safe deposit box.

If you don’t routinely talk to your clients about how their safe deposit boxes fit into the estate planning puzzle, now might be the time to start.

Stephen C. Hartnett, J.D., LL.M.
Associate Director of Education
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com

From my discussions with estate planning attorneys, I know that many of you are always on the lookout for current stories to help clients understand the value of the estate planning you’re proposing.

‘The Descendants,” this year’s Oscar-winning film (best adapted screenplay) might serve just this purpose – at the very least vis-a-vis your clients’ healthcare directives.

First of all, just mentioning George Clooney to your clients might help get their attention. Second, the story conveys several powerful messages about the benefits of written advance directives and of making medical decisions in advance.

This film sets up George Clooney as a middle-aged husband whose vital, healthy wife has just been seriously injured in a tragic boat racing accident. She now lies in a coma on life support. The Clooney character, Matt King, reveals himself to us through his anguished, bedside pleadings with his wife, Elizabeth, to awaken from her coma. After three weeks of waiting, doctors tell Matt that she will never wake again.

Enter the living will. Elizabeth has completed one, and it states that she wants life support to be terminated in a medical situation like this one. (The film doesn’t mention an HCPOA.)  During multiple scenes, we see King telling family and friends of her permanent condition and her medical wishes.

The film conveys, poignantly, the value that an advance directive can play for a family experiencing a devastating tragedy like this one.

The movie does this largely through what it doesn’t show us. Precisely because Elizabeth has a living will, we don’t see the added emotional difficulties the family might face if she had not completed an advance directive.

• We don’t see the doctor asking Matt King what he thinks his wife would have wanted, and King trying to decide himself, potentially agonizingly, whether to terminate her life support.

• We don’t see the compounded anger and resentments of their rebellious teenage daughter (who, beneath it all, still identifies with her mother) that might result from seeing her father put in the position of making this difficult decision.

• We don’t see the added confusion of their 10 year old daughter, who might perceive that her father has “chosen” to end her mother’s life.

• And while we do see Matt’s father-in-law blame Matt for his wife’s boating accident, we don’t see him blaming Matt for discontinuing the life support. Without the advance directive document, Elizabeth’s father, in his own grief, might not be able to resist the temptation to blame Matt for this, too.

What we do see clearly presented on screen is that advance care planning is actually a gift to one’s family in tragic situations. Indeed, when Matt King shows his wife’s father her living will and explains that she will be removed from life support, her father responds: “Elizabeth had the good sense to write this thing. She’s a strong girl. A thoughtful girl.”

P.S. “The Descendants” also has a strong plotline about other estate planning matters. See this Forbes article for a full analysis of the estate planning issues presented.

Randi J. Siegel, MBA, is the President of DocuBank, the largest advance directives registry in the U.S., which ensures that the healthcare directives of its 190,000 enrollees are immediately available 24/7/365. Working with estate planning professionals since 1997, Randi frequently speaks at national estate planning conferences and has appeared on radio and television as an authority on registries. She is active in health policy pertaining to advance directives and serves as a Senior Fellow at the Jefferson School of Population Health in Philadelphia. Randi is an ongoing contributor to the Academy blog.

Academy Guest Blogger
American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, Inc.
9444 Balboa Avenue, Suite 300
San Diego, California 92123
Phone: (858) 453-2128
www.aaepa.com